The Ultimate Guide to Sexual FantasyThe Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy: How to Have Incredible Sex with Role Play, Sex Games, Erotic Massage, BDSM and More by Violet Blue
Published by Cleis Press on June 17th 2014
Pages: 272
Genres: Education, Health & Fitness, Health & Sexuality, Human Sexuality, Personal & Practical Guides, PSYCHOLOGY, Reference, Self-Help, Sexual Instruction, Sexuality, Teaching Methods & Materials
Paperback provided by Cleis Press

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Turn your favorite sexual fantasies into reality, safely and successfully…The complete guide for everyone—women and men, singles and couples!Join the legions of couples and singles who are making their hottest sexual fantasies come true. Whether you’re looking for an endless supply of fantasy ideas or expert advice for a playful, imaginative sex life that turns you both on, this charming and information-packed book will tell you exactly what you need to know: * Learn your lover’s secret fantasies * Role-play: hot, dramatic sex without feeling silly * Comprehensive lists of the most popular fantasies and fetishes—complete with suggestions for props, toys, and costumes (and where to buy them) * Expert help for deciding just how far to take your fantasies * How to have a threesome—without jealousy * Sex parties and swinging * How to have sex in public * Create thrilling S/M scenarios * Racy sex games for lovers * How to strip, lap dance, talk dirty * Make your own porn and erotic photographs * PLUS…hot new stories by best-selling erotica author Alison Tyler

Reading time 7 mins

Violet Blue does a stellar job of rounding up an all-about book in her new title The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy. She draws on all her experience with sex and gives us a book complete, covering everything you might need to know about fantasy. Her book is inspiring and informative. If you ever wondered how to share your fantasy, explore more options, or learn what that is exactly called…check out this guide. I am sure she has the answer for you

I am not lacking in fantasy. I have a rich sex life and plenty to draw from. I have to be honest and say I have reviewed many books from Violet Blue

[1. On my old site that doesn’t exist anymore, sigh. You will just have to take my word on this.]. Although she is renowned for her expertise, I haven’t loved all of her books. I have always respected her opinion and she really is a force on the web in the sex positive movement. In the past books have included snippets of her experience and I didn’t enjoy that facet. (now that I am thinking about it, it might have been only one book) I was a bit hesitant to pick this book up and then dislike the writing style. I think I have grown and maybe my tastes have changed. Whatever the reason I found this book to be very well written without sounding preachy, or alienating the reader. She really covers all the bases and goes into detail about each type or genre of fantasy. Her book could be read by a man, or woman with any sexual orientation and still be well taken. Violet does a wonderful job of writing for everyone. I am almost sorry that I felt that way about her writing, maybe I was in a bad place in my cycle or something.

This book includes everything I could think and a lot of stuff I didn’t imagine.

Table of Contents

  • Introduction: The Mirror of Desire
  • Chapter 1: Choose Your Own Adventure –Fantasy and Fetish -Popular Fantasy Themes -When Fantasies Make You Feel Bad -Fantasy Research -The Perfect Match
  • Chapter 2: Fantasies for One –Masturbation: Just Do It -Hot Masturbation Sessions: Fantasies, Sex Toys, and More -What Not to Stick in Your Butt -Change Habits and Learn New Tricks -A Tool for Men: The Squeeze Technique -A Tool for Women: Your Vibrator -The Golden Rules of Anal Masturbation -Three in One
  • Chapter 3: Fantasies for Two –Building a Fantasy Scenario -In Your Head, or in Reality?-How to Ask for a Spanking -Get a Little Closer -Getting to know your Lover’s Fantasies -Sexy Surprises -The Sex Buffet -Talking to Your Partner -When Your Lover is Reluctant -Ready to Play? -Not Tonight
  • Chapter 4: Role Play –Erotic Adult Theatre for Two -Waiting in the Wings -Erotic Acting -Plan It, Janet -Classic Roles -Where to Shop -Gender Play -Age Play
  • Chapter 5: Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes –Three, Four, and More -Jealousy -Adding Someone New -First Impressions -Get Together, and Get Off -Sex Positions -Hooking Up: Cruising and Advertising -California Dreaming
  • Chapter 6: Weaving a Spell: Striptease, Hot Talk, and Erotic Massage –Confidence -Preparations -How To Strip -Lap Dance 101 -The Art of Dirty Talk -Giving an Erotic Massage
  • Chapter 7: Strip Clubs, Phone Sex, and Call Girls- for Two –Strip Clubs and Lap Dances -How Will They Treat Me at the Strip Club? -Peep Booths -Arcades Don’t Have Video Games -Phone Sex -Call Girls and Prostitutes
  • Chapter 8: Public Sex –What’s on the Menu -Where to Do It -Role-Playing in Public -Swinging -Alternative Sex Parties- The View from Paris
  • Chapter 9: Fetishes –A Fetishist Looks Just Like You -How to Have Sex with a Fetishist -Classic Fetishes -Networking with -Other Fetishists and Their Partners -Other People’s Panties
  • Chapter 10: Erotic Dominance and Submission: S/M Fantasies –Sweet Submission -A Sampling of Submissive Roles -When Being in Charge Turns on You -A Sampling of Dominant Roles -Captivity and Erotic Torment -Always Have a Safe Word -Teasing your Captive -Pleasurable Pain and Punishment -Public S/M Clubs -Organizations and Private Clubs -Seeing a Professional Dominatrix
  • Chapter 11: Sex Games –Ten Erotic Escapades -Messy Fun -Aphrodisiac Seductions -So, You Want to Be in Pictures?- Cybersex -Show-and-Tell
  • Chapter 12: Safer Sex –The Gear -Safer Sex Chart
  • Chapter 13: Resources –Resources for Sex Toys, Books, and Videos: U.S., Canada, International
  • Chapter 14: References
  • About the Author

I was blown away by all the ideas in this book. You can bet I found some new ideas for me and my lover to try out. Oh wait! I didn’t even mention that Alison Tyler, the queen of kink, lends Violet a few stories for this collection. They appear at the end of the chapter, much like in Never Say Never. Not every chapter, mind you. The stories go with the theme of the chapter and are, of course, very well written and inspiring.

Here’s a small excerpt:

Spice up your shared sex life and reach deeper levels of intimacy with your partner by sharing tried-and-true fantasies and discovering new ones. You can build up to trying out your favorite fantasies in real life.

With fantasy, you can enjoy sexual activities and scenarios you’re not experiencing on your own or in your relationship. Sometimes we want something our partners don’t. Fantasy portrayals, watching what you want in porn, and well-planned masturbation sessions can get you what you want without upsetting your relationship.

Sometimes when we tell others what we like to fantasize about, our scenarios become others’ fantasies as well. And when we brag to friends about real-life exploits, we never know which stories, innocently told over morning coffee, will become that evening’s erotic fodder—or the script for your best friend’s weekend tryst. We can make our fantasies real, if we choose—or in some cases, if we dare. You’ll read more on this topic throughout the book.

Fantasies are your own private, personal sex toys. They send a direct current buzzing from your brain down to your groin. The right sexual fantasy, running in your head like your own private movie, can turn you on like a switch. When you know what works for you, your own vivid imagination can bring you to dizzying heights of arousal—and take you over the orgasmic edge.

This is from the first chapter. It gets much better with a breakdown of kinds of fantasies and there are resources in the back for helping you explore more on the web, get some props to make it happen, or read more about it. I highly recommend this book. Fantasies are a safe way to really enjoy sexuality. You don’t have to live out every fantasy to get the most out of them. Sharing fantasies have been the one single thing I will never regret in my relationship. I am thrilled this book may help others to share theirs, or at least explore more about them.

My Rating


About the Author

VIOLET BLUE (@violetblue) is an award-winning author and editor, CNET reporter, CBSi/ ZDNet blogger and columnist, a high-profile tech personality, and one of Wired’s Faces of Innovation. She is regarded as the foremost expert in the field of sex and technology, a sex-positive mainstream media pundit (maclife, CNN, “The Oprah Winfrey Show”), and is interviewed, quoted, and featured in outlets ranging from ABC News to the Wall Street Journal. She headlines and keynotes at global technology conferences including ETech, LeWeb, SXSW: Interactive, and two Google Tech Talks at Google, Inc. and received a standing ovation at Seattle’s Gnomedex. The london Times named Violet Blue “one of the 40 bloggers who really count.”

Thanks to Cleis Press for sending me this book to review.


I received this product free of charge in exchange for an honest review. This post contains affiliate links. This review is in compliance with the FTC guidelines.

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