Tag Archive for swinger

What’s Your Average?

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I saw a post on Facebook that got me thinking. A couple was saying they had only been with four couples after two years in the lifestyle. It got me wondering how many we have been with. I don’t really keep track of how many, but it made me curious enough to try and figure it out.

Right away Miguel claimed that we average less than one a month. I counted 44 months in the lifestyle. We painstakingly tried to recall all the couples we have enjoyed since we got into the lifestyle. The conversation was pretty funny. I don’t remember everyone’s names. Miguel actually remembered most of their names. I remember stupid details like “that couple with all the movies” or “that couple with the guy with the big tattoo.” (Hey sport fuckers, just to be clear, it is not a competition!)

We only counted couples and not single people. (I doubt either of us could really remember all the singles, there are quite a few.) We counted full and soft swaps. I wonder if our average looks like other people’s average in the lifestyle. Miguel was actually right that our number averages out to one a month.

Our average is one a month. Is that really average? I know some couples must be getting a better average than that. I am actually really surprised the number was not much larger. I can remember months with one or two hook-ups a week. Then again there are months when we didn’t play with anyone but each other. How often do average swingers play?

But really, how many couples have you played with? I bet your number, or average, has a lot to do with how picky you are, the places or sites you use to meet people, and how sexually aggressive you are as a couple.

Same Room or Separate Swinging?

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We went to the club last night and met a bunch of new couples. We participate in Swinger Speed Dating at the club whenever it is possible because it is a great chance to meet new people. There were a bunch of new couples at the club. (by new I mean new to me, not newbies) Rebecca Ammon hosts this event once a month. She always supplies a list of questions. The first question on the list last night was “Are you full swap, soft swap, seasoned or newbies?” We found a few newbies, but most of the couples were seasoned sluts experienced in the lifestyle. We found more than a handful that were not only full swap, they were full swap that played separately.

One of our “rules” is that we never play separately. Call me old fashioned but this for us is a hard limit. Most of the folks that have asked me personally to play separately were males that had problems performing with another man in the room. This is not what these couples told us drove them to play separately. The main reason these couples said play separately was that they found themselves distracted with their partner making noise next to them.

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That is half the fun! Knowing Miguel is right there watching me, looking over at him. That is the biggest turn on. Seeing his face as he is enjoying himself. I am usually so caught up in what I am feeling during sex with him to enjoy this sight. I must confess that watching him enjoy himself has spurned many masturbation sessions for me and made it really easy to go from normal to completely turned on in order to test out various toys. (I have an awesome hobby) I just don’t think I could ever do this without him there. If my being turned on has ever driven Miguel to come sooner, well I think that is an even bigger turn on.

I have to admit that at first, in my early days of the lifestyle, I assumed that swinging separately was so sort of evolution of swinging. First comes voyeurism, then exhibitionism, then soft swap, then full swap, then playing separately. In that order. After meeting and talking to literally hundreds of swinger couples, I have found that this is not correct thinking. A lot of happy swingers find themselves very content at various levels and have no desire to move on to the “next” level. There is nothing wrong with this. People may assume that all swingers are like this, or that all swingers do that. The truth is that we are all similar in that we like sex, and then really anything goes from there. Miguel and I found this to be absolutely true right away. That is exactly why we have our hard limits and rules for swinging. Breaking any of our rules is not going to get us to the next level, it will get us fighting.

To be fair, I did notice that these couples did not start out swinging. The few couples we met that played separately had one thing in common…they all were an established couple for at least a few years (if not a decade+) before they decided to explore the lifestyle. We have never met a couple completely new to swinging that played separately. (other than a few that were actually in a poly relationship, but that doesn’t count) Does relationship length before swinging determine if a couple will end up playing separately? I guess Miguel and I dodged a bullet by getting into the lifestyle right away, while we are still relatively young and new to each other. This actually beings to my mind “key parties” of the 70′s that hosted to older couples. Ewwe! That is not for us.

Resolutions

New Years Eve

Today is the last day of the year. New Years fills me with optimism. I found a really cool list on Rebecca Ammon’s site. She lists some Swinger New Year Resolutions. These are great tips for successful swinging. Which reminds me that this is a great time to be updating my sexual bucket list. The first thing on that list from last year were gender-bending fantasies. Most of the guys we met that were into gender-bending were also really looking for a mistress to discipline them. So that is still on my list. We did have lots of sex in the car and even once on side of the road last year, so I can knock those off the bucket list. There are still some things I would love to do.

I always make a few resolutions for New Years. Last year my resolutions read more like a list of things to do. I think having a list of goals is important. I read something a few years ago about using the number 3 and setting immediate, short term, and long term goals. Basically I set goals for 3 weeks, 3 months, and 3 years away from now. I have found just writing things down put the ball in motion for me. I didn’t do everything on my list. I did manage to knock some big to-dos off the list. (Including filing for my divorce and getting a new car!) Reflecting back on this past year and knowing some of the big things actually did get marked off gives me hope that this year will be even better and more productive.

We are going out tonight to the club. New Years Eve and Halloween are probably the biggest party days for us. Most swingers love a packed party. The club will be packed tonight. Last year the club was crazy on New Years Eve. This year they are allowing people to sleep over. This will be great since driving home new years eve is one of the main deterrents for people, not wanting to drink and then drive home. We aren’t getting out as often these days, so I am really looking forward to tonight.

I wish you all a safe and sexy New Years Eve!

Excuse me

Mind Vomit

I know I have been only posting sporadically lately. I feel very far away from my site at the moment.

I started my new job. The great news is that it doesn’t suck. It isn’t overwhelming. I am putting my learned skills to use and that feels really good. I find myself not watching the clock at work. I can’t really express here with words how fucking good it is to have a job that doesn’t insult my intelligence or my integrity. I feel really lucky. I know I may not feel this way next year, or next month even. In this economy getting this job was such a blessing. To think that just a few months ago I considered leaving my career due to lack of opportunities. I know that spell of hard times has made me really appreciating how things are going now. Strange to feel this way.

I got my other big wish two weeks ago and my babysitter moved out. The details are complicated. It needed to happen. I felt suffocated in my own home. I have a big empty room now. I also have no adult to leave home with my kids. I didn’t really think that would be a big deal. The older kids are legally old enough, but it makes me uncomfortable. Fucking hindsight is always 20/20! So we will be going out less. Really trying to make each night out count.

We did get out last Saturday night. We chatted with a couple we see there often. The man seemed a bit mad. I prodded, cuz that is what I do, and he shared that he was frustrated with going out and not hooking up. He expressed frustration about the distance, the cover charge, the cost of drinks. All of that, and not even a glimmer of hope that there would be a hook-up.

I bit my tongue.

The truth is that I have heard these same complaints from Miguel before. I agree that there is always a bit of pressure to make a hook-up happen when you go out. It just seems like a pointless expense without it, but… sometimes I just want to go out. I sometimes don’t want a hook-up. I am still milling this over. I could totally understand his frustration. I see both sides of this argument. But I have to admit that we didn’t hook-up with anyone at this party.

We met a lot of nice people. We even met a poly/TPE/swinger couple. So rare at a swinger club. We talked about how fetish and swinger don’t mix so well. They could if they had an understanding of the ground rules, but people are stupid. Each side has views on the other and generally, they just don’t mix well. It is ridiculous that swingers or fetish folk might be judgmental of anyone, but I have witnessed it. Once I really opened myself up to being sex positive, there is no going back. I am committed to keeping an open mind and hopefully we will be checking out some of the recommended venues coming up in the coming year. I don’t care what people think, this is my life and I don’t want to miss a thing.

So that is my mind vomit of the moment. The other thing really on my mind is the tragedy that happened last Friday. I don’t really want to talk about it, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I know a lot of people, like me, are still in shock. That something like that could even happen. I am heartbroken. I keep thinking about it. I guess it really hit home that this is the world we live in. I don’t really know what else to say about it that hasn’t been said already. I am trying to not waste today.

 

Q & A Swinger Style ~Fifi & Edwin

Swinger Q & A

Fifi and Edwin are a couple that has been in the lifestyle for over 10 years. They have a webcam website (fifiandfriends.com) where they offer pictorials and cam shows for paid members. They also have loads of movies that were shot with consensual swinger couples. We have actually never played with Fifi and Edwin but we know a lot of the same people and play at some of the same places.

They are open about their lifestyle on the web and even host swinger “orientation” classes at Caliente resort and Eyz Wide Shut. Although nothing like experience can prepare you for the lifestyle, being able to ask questions from people that have probably been there/done that is very reassuring. So many people are curious and just want a peek at what it is we do, why we do it, and how we meet new people. Most swingers are friendly, social people. Fifi and Edwin are picture perfect typical swingers. They enjoy a healthy balance of work and play and have found a way to share their love of the lifestyle with others. Miguel and I don’t get out as much as these two, but in all fairness they don’t have kids living at home anymore like we do. They have nine children between them. So the fact that they even made it out of the house…like ever, gives me hope that this too shall pass.

We are seeking committed couples who like to dance, touch & play. Couples who take care of their selves, are in love with each other, love to create their own fun but lead a balanced life always spark our interest. We are also looking for couples to join us in our private weekend adventures as we explore taking pics together and looking for that special couple for our first video together.  We are an educated, happily married, no pressure couple that loves to dance and live in the moment. We have a positive outlook on life; we are easy to get along with, and great fun to be around and party with! Look for FifiandFriends on FaceBook and MILFifi on Twitter and YouTube.

FifiEdwin

 

How did the two of you get into the lifestyle? Whose idea was it?

 I (Fifi) have been a swinger since age 27, so it was my idea.  As I would listen to my wonderful husband (Edwin) discuss different affairs that he had in his previous marriage, he will tell me different stories and places he had been, how he felt about it, etc.  So, it just stayed in my mind after we gofifi3t married.  A few months later, I brought it up again and it was just a conversation, not that I felt Edwin was going to have an affair behind my back or anything but it was something that played on his mind – why he did things, so it became a discussion on many occasions and I finally said to Edwin…”I think I can solve this – you need to be a swinger” . From there it took off, we were married in September 2000 and we started swinging together every weekend since the old Pleasure Palace (PP now Eyz Wide Shut) opened its doors in December of 2000; when there were 5 owners and we got to know several Sams and of course Andrew & Susan too!  

What was your first swinging experience like?

 It was a full swap mind blowing re-memorable (played over and over again) fifi5experience at Pleasure Palace.  There were two beds in the same room and the more experienced couple invited us over to share their bed.  I (Edwin) asked Fifi first, “what would you like to do”, her reply was “if we go, we can never go back”, and my reply was “Let’s Go!”  Now here it is twelve years later and this year (2012) we started teaching lifestyle101 classes at EWS, Caliente and via our private adventure website as part of the Adult Seminar network.  These classes are for new couples who are interested in getting involved in a lifestyle, where the possibility exists.

How do you meet new people?Attachment-1

 We meet folks every day on the internet and every week at various lifestyle clubs, nudist resorts (Caliente), private parties, and on many many lifestyle vacations (Hedo-Jamaica , Caribe-DR, Cruises, etc) every year.  Our circle of quality friendships has grown over the years.  We also have a very simple and fun adult business where we help other couples learn how to Pay for their Play time and more important Fund their weekly private adventure FUN times together.  We just returned from a Lifestyle Cruise on the Royal Caribbean Freedom of the Seas, along with 1800+ other couples.  We will never ever be the same again!  Since we believe, the mind should work like a parachute (it works best when open) going forward we will only vacation with other lifestyle (open minded couples) folks.  We are organizing a new FifiandFriends lifestyle vacation (Dream Pleasure Tours) starting in 2013 and we plan to continue this tradition every year.

Does anyone in your family know you swing? Do your co-workers know? Has anyone ever tried to talk you out of your lifestyle?fifi

 Edwin’s family all know about our lifestyle choices and some of my family does too.  We use to be very open with family and close friends but now we try harder to be more discrete on what we are doing or where we are going.  Most Monday mornings at the gym, when folks ask us how our weekend was, we simply reply with…”our weekend, you want to know how our weekend was? Well take your best birthday weekend and multiple by ten that was our weekend, how was your weekend?”  Our standard reply to most non-lifestyle folks is that “we are both very happy and more in love today than yesterday.”

What was your most memorable swing experience? Sexiest experience or most horrific hook-up?

 Driving to South Florida for private penthouse parties and realizing on the way home, we never made it to the dance floor?  Since we have been swinging together every weekend since December 2000, we have a very long list of memories that will last a lifetime.  We share most of private adventures during our weekly webcam shows from our private members-only web site (www.FifiandFriends.com)fifi8

Any pet peeves in the lifestyle? (things that are a major turn off/red flag for you two)

 Our fantasy is that everyone knew just how awesome this lifestyle can be especially when exploring with your best friend and lover too.  Therefore, we always approach an encounter or evening out with one simple rule, to have a good time together no matter dynamics are in play.  We never ever try to over analyze this lifestyle; if it flows we go and if not, we simply move on.

Your advice to a couple(or single) new to the lifestyle?

 We all have regular real life jobs, families and various demands on our time so this lifestyle should be about FUN not work.  Do your best to flee from drama (other people’s problems) and if it is work, why do it…make your own sunshine and make if FifiFUN!

I am always curious about the couples I meet and would love to give them a chance to share some of their stories here. I am going to be featuring a new established couple on each post. If you are interested in being a part of this Q & A just contact me and let me know.

Q & A Swinger Style ~Lola & HH

Swinger Q & A

Lola and HH of mysexlifewithlola are hot bloggers with a very interesting lifestyle. I really wanted to include some hot bloggers in this feature. Mysexlifewithlola was most recently given a slot in the Top 100 Bloggers of 2012 (#35). They are a couple I have read about, fantasized about, and admired for a while.

They share their sexual exploits on the web. They have been playing like this for at least two years. Although they are a bit vague on all the details. I would really like to meet them in the flesh, but they play in a colder climate and there are a few states between us. The thing about their anonymity that is so intriguing is that this could be a couple you know. They could be your neighbors. This couple could be found anywhere in your community. They are a real sexy couple discreetly living out a fantasy sexual lifestyle.

While Lola and HH aren’t exactly typical swingers, they do enjoy sex with people outside of their relationship. There relations is a more one sided/open relationship known as a cuckold. Cuckolding is something we have run across in the lifestyle, although I have not mentioned it as such. It is close to swinging since their exploits do not lead to long lasting relationships or involve emotions other than lust. If a female wants to play and the man gets to watch, that is never really a problem for most swingers. This type of couple is usually well received in the lifestyle and can find plenty of action.

The way they meet people for play is not a shock to us. We have met some of our best hook-ups that way. The tone of the ad may sound harsh, but consider were this is going and you will understand the need for rules right from the jump. She spells her needs out perfectly. Even the lingo is typical of a swinger ad. Things like wanting to voice-verify and needing to see pics first tells me that this couples means business. Lola is a knockout that really has no problem finding men or women to play with. Don’t believe me? Just check out her calender….yes Lovelies, she is that kind of girl.

How did the two of you get into the lifestyle? Whose idea was it?

H.H. – First, I think we need to clarify a bit here.  We’re not exactly “swingers.”  Our kink is more Cuckolding.  To be more precise, Lo is, in the parlance of our times, a “hot wife,” though we are not married.  In our relationship she sleeps with basically whomever she wants, I don’t.  There are a few reasons for this.  First, Lo admits that she is not comfortable with my being with anyone else.  Second, I really feel no need to be with anyone else.  The question is how we got into this and I think we got into it because Lo (who is significantly younger than I) has a sexual appetite that exceeds my capabilities.  So, given that, and given that I’m very interested in pleasing Lo, I have no real need to have anyone else.  But, that said, I get a huge rush from hearing about Lo’s sexploits and/or sharing them with her.  I don’t really remember how we originally got into it, but it sort of developed naturally from Lo’s getting naked in front of my friends, hopping into bed with them, and doing other salacious things with people we interacted with socially.  When she saw that I not only didn’t mind, but enjoyed the flirting, we got a bit more serious trying to find her lovers and part-time boyfriends to keep her more satisfied.  

Lola – Baby, I was born this way!  

 

What was your first swinging experience like?

H.H. – We’ll I’ve given my point of view on this in the blog entry: “You Are The Best Thing – My Little Street Corner Girl.”  But here Lo can remark about it more from her point of view.  

Lola – Back seat of a car where I was penetrated in multiple places by multiple people. . . and it was all very hot and steamy until the copper showed up.   

 

How do you meet new people?

H.H. – So far we’ve met new people mostly through (sleazy as it may sound) Craigslist.  We’ve posted ads such as: 

Are you hard-up?  Are you handsome?  Hung? Healthy? D&D free?  Just need to get your rocks off on occasion and then split with no strings attached?  Well, then you may be for me.  I need a man who can come over on a moment’s notice, make me cum, and then leave on those nights when my bf isn’t home or is too tired for me.  I’m 1/2 of a Dec./May relationship (I’m Ms. May, of course) and my libido is too much for him to handle.  (Probably too much for you to handle too, but we’ll find out about that.) 

Musts: 1) Good-looking and fit (send photos to prove it); 2) Well-endowed.  (No need to show it in photo, but don’t fake it.  I’ll find out soon enough!); 3) Be reasonably literate (I want you to make me cum on the phone first.); 4) Be close by so that I can call you at 9, 10, 11, 12, or 1 for a quick one if I need it. 5) Be discrete. 

Must NOT: 1) Be looking for a relationship.  I have a loving man; I need more fucking; 2) Be disrespectful; 3) Interested in anything but sex. 

If this sounds like something you’re up for, then:  Send an e-mail with a pic (or four) and something about yourself.  Your pic gets mine.  If you like what you see, I will ask you to voice-verify.  If you’re good on the phone, then we can take it to the next level.

OK?

Thanks,

Lola 

Within minutes we’d have 50 or more e-mail responses.  By the end of the day there would be hundreds to choose from.  99% of them were fake, ugly, didn’t follow instructions, illiterate, or disqualifying in some other way.  A small percentage of them were rude, saying things like, “Way too much work.”  Well, those guys have no idea what they’re missing.  And Lo certainly wasn’t missing out on them.  Once in a great while Lo would find a guy who was easy on the eyes, wrote a decent and interesting response, and voice verified in a way that made her want more.  

We’ve tried looking into other venues – swinger sites, swinger classifieds, etc. –  but for various reason we haven’t had much luck with that.  Interestingly enough, no one (or almost no one) has propositioned Lo via the blog.  Our readers seem to be more voyeurs than interested in talking to Lo on the phone or meeting up.  

Lola – We’re not really “in” a swinger life-style group and meeting people is really the biggest obstacle.  I can’t get my hands and mouth on enough of such couples.  

 

Does anyone in your family know you swing? Do your co-workers know? Has anyone ever tried to talk you out of your lifestyle?

H.H. – Certainly not anyone from our family (though there may be two or three people we could open-up to without judgment).  None of my co-workers know about my secret life with Lo.  Some friends know, but not all of them understand.  

Lola – I honestly think that when I tell people what I do, they either get freaked out so much that they don’t know what to say, or they are colleagues of mine in a field where, at least on the surface, the expectation is that we can celebrate and embrace all gender and sexual identities and expressions.  

 

What was your most memorable swing experience? Sexiest experience or most horrific hook-up?

Lola – None of them were particularly WOW!  And, thankfully, all of them were good.  Not one was horrific.  I’m still waiting for the BIGGIE!  (Or the 10 person orgy.)

 

Any pet peeves in the lifestyle? (things that are a major turn off/red flag for you two)

Lola – Allow me to list: 1) a person who can’t make eye contact; 2) a person with no opinion about anything; 3) a person who doesn’t insist on getting the bill, even when I’m willing to pay; 3) small endowments (of any kind); 4) Republicans; 5) people who hate their relationships, jobs, or reasons for being (without actually doing anything to change those things they hate); 6) people who kiss only with their tongues and not with their lips; 7) people who come on like they’re ready for this, but then back out; 8) anti-feminists; 9) wanting to do so many things sexually, but being in a place where that just can’t happen; 10) people who are not curious enough to inquire about my favorite subject – ME!  

 

Your advice to a couple(or single) new to the lifestyle?

Lola – Check in with yourselves and your partners frequently.  Proceed only when you feel like you and your partners feel safe, comfortable, and enthusiastic about moving forward.  This is not always as easy as it sounds.  Remember, this is supposed to be FUN.  

H.H. – Establish rules.  Be clear on hard rules vs. soft rules.  Follow the rules.  If rules are made to be broken, only break the soft ones, never the hard ones.  Does that make sense? 

 

I am always curious about the couples I meet and would love to give them a chance to share some of their stories here. I am going to be featuring a new established couple on each post. If you are interested in being a part of this Q & A just contact me and let me know.