Archive for cigarettes

Smoker’s Blues

Trying to find a routine after a hiatus is tougher than I thought it would be. The problem is, I fell into a dangerous routine of coming home from work, sitting outside with a beer and my laptop, and chain smoking the evening away. This has been going on for over a month. I recognize the routine is bad but changing routines is uncomfortable. I decided when we move things will be different.

Things are really different. The new house offers the convenience of a nice set-up for me outside. There is my familiar table and chair, a plug-in for my laptop, plenty of shade on the porch…I don’t feel the same about it though. I reached a point when I know I have to make a change. The core of the problem is me not spending time inside the house. My kids and Miguel know if they need to talk to me, they need to meet me outside. The reason I like it outside is pretty simple; I don’t smoke in the house.

I went online and bought something I hope will help fix the problem; an e-cigarette.

Smoking is such a routine for me. I have been smoking more than half of my life. I know all the dangers, and I have quit a dozen times. I am a smoker despite my best efforts to quit. I have quit for years at a time, just to fall prey to nicotine again. I have to outsmart this stupid addiction. E-cigarettes have come a long way, even in two years since I tried them last. The last ones I tried were “top of the line” at the time. They had short battery life and needed refilling constantly. They also had an inconsistent nicotine level. I could tell when I slipped and smoked a real cigarette. I got a tell-tale head-rush. I grew frustrated and started smoking again after a short time. The one I bought this time has a long battery life, like over 24 hours. It also only needs filling after 1 1/2 day. So far, so good!

I don’t know how long I will stick with it. I know there are dangers to e-cigarettes. I haven’t even attempted to find out the risks. Could it be any worse than tobacco and carbon dioxide? The great thing I can tell you, is that my clothes don’t smell like cigarettes and I can now smoke in my house/car without guilt. It is vapor and doesn’t leave lingering smoke. I am elated. I wanna tell the whole fucking world about this alternative. I swear I didn’t have the right tools the first time I tried this. This time is better, this e-cigarette is fracking awesome. I got my e-cigarette here. Of course you may find this product cheaper other places. I got it shipped to me superfast, like 2 days later, without paying extra.

If you are a non-smoker, you can’t know or understand my plight. Sorry. I am a nicotine addict. You probably cant relate. I just needed to vent about this mind vomit. I just wanted to share this plight with you. I would outright quit smoking, but then my other problem rears it’s ugly head….the struggle with my weight. Sad to say I am more afraid of gaining weight then I am of health risks. Low self-esteem makes me feel less sexy. Less sexy feeling means less sex. This is a much worse than smelling like smoke in my opinion. That is the state of priorities in my head America. My addicted brain is settling into a nice routine. I will be back more often to blog.

Sexy Ass Bitch! (continued)

This would be the last time this night I had panties on.  I had just a little black nightie and that’s it for the rest of the night.  That’s okay, one of the other girls that was in the tub just stayed naked for the rest of the night.  I can’t even remember what she had on when she got there, it wasn’t much thou I am sure.

So we all get into the hot tub….all except the girl, the sexy ass girl couldn’t go in the water.
But her husband and Miguel kept me plenty company with busy hands.  Like I said, there were two other couples in the hot tub and lots and lots of foam, steam ,and bubbles.  Alot of ‘whose leg is this?’, “whose hand is that?’, going on……but they were all sexy people so it was pretty hot!  The air was chilly but nobody complained, we were all comfortably numb from the alcohol.  I made out with Miguel, I made out with the guy, I made out with the sexy ass girl who stood outside the tub.  I stood up and leaned over and we kissed while sexy people fondled my naked sudsy body.  I made extremely small, small talk as I stroked both the guy and my Miguel at the same time.  In turn they both fingered my pussy or ass or both and took turns fondling my breasts.  At one point there was a three way kiss between me and the other two girls in the tub.
It was a sexy time and I am sooo sorry the sexy girl couldn’t join us in the water.
My hair got mostly wet so my straightening efforts went all to hell.  The steam kinda ruined the rest.
We played in the hot tub for quite a while.  We all got kinda pruned.  When I wanted to get out for my beer or to have a cigarette, the girl was there and offered to get them for me.  What a fucking trooper!   When enough time had passed that I was pretty sure all I wanted to do was get fucked…..we got out of the hot tub and dried off.  Then we headed upstairs to find a room.  We got the same room Miguel and I had fucked in earlier.  The owners there were so damned nice.  While we played, fondled, sucked, and fucked, the owners of the house brought us towels and cold water to drink.  So kind!  The guy went down on me and she sucked Miguel, she was really talented.  Miguel said she had a really good technique and he had to stop her a few times or else he would have cum in her mouth.  She sucked her man too before and after he fucked me and he did cum in her mouth.  I watched and I couldn’t even tell when he came by looking at her, she took it like a champ and didn’t spill a drop!  At some point our friends from the soft swap joined us in the room.  The sucked and fucked right next to us, it sounded incredible!  We had a pretty good audience too.  I looked up and there were strangers from the house party standing in the door and the edge of the bed.  I didn’t really get wet enough for the guy and we made a decision that we need to carry lube from now on.  The condoms or the hot tub or something.  I don’t ever want it to happen again.  It is something I am a bit embarrassed about, but I guess it happens.  I am sure it is a fluke, it wasn’t him.  The guy was really hot!  Miguel was sure it was his technique or something and he put it me right after the guy pulled out.  Miguel always gets me wet and he pulled out and came all over my stomach. It was a really hot night!  I can’t wait to play with that couple again.  I am sure that sometime in future when the girl is able to play too, it will be another hot night!
We had a super long drive home and I tried really hard not to fall asleep.  But I did a little, resting my head on Miguel’s arm.  It was so cold outside and he is always so warm.  We stopped and got something to eat and I barely remember consuming food when I got home.  It was a great night.  I don’t know where we will end up next Saturday.  We sure do have some fun places to choose from now!


TGIF!!!  Despite the fact that I had Monday off,  this was a looong week for me.
Miguel got me some gifts this week.  He surprised me and got me some pearl earrings and a necklace to match!  Jewelery is always a good idea…… I think he may have just gotten out of buying me anything for valentines day.  I don’t care!  I love pearls and I have always wanted some.  My Miguel bought me pearls, I can die happy now.

My graduation is drawing near,  I can almost see the end.  Two more months,  I am counting down the days. I have been hitting the gym almost everyday.  The gym has helped me to deal with stress and as of 5pm today I have been smoke free for 9 days!!!  This is not without crazy willpower on my part.  I must admit thou, it is getting easier to get through the day without thinking of smoking.  Sometimes hours will go by and I don’t even think about it.

We are going to a new club this Saturday night.  This place is a byob like the club we used to go to….yeah!  I drink a lot so this saves us some dough.  I told you about the newbie couple we met at EWS two weeks ago?  (You probably don’t remember!)  They were being bombarded by advice by well meaning couples. Well, they found us on SLS and they wanna see us again…. they are a really hot couple.  I can’t wait for tomorrow!  This is a couple we met outside while I was a smoker,  hopefully I will be able to resist the temptation of a cigarette while hanging out with them.  Wish me luck….

The theme for this Saturday is sexy pajama night.  These clubs always have themes, and they are almost always about the women.  I think the themes are fun:  tee-shirt and panties night, boxer night, sexy lingerie night, wear pink night, bi-night, wife-beater night, bi-racial night, short skirt night, bare-as-you-dare night……the list goes on and on.  Some clubs offer discounts on admission if people dress in theme.  It is suppose to be really cold tomorrow night, of course!  Oh well!  I might have to buy myself something new to wear.  Spend some of that money I am saving by not buying cigarettes!

Saturday, smoke free

Saturday went really well.  I had an excellent time and yesterday I spent the day recovering.  We entered a competition at the club, but we didn’t win.  We had to demonstrate as many sexual positions as we could on this “cubid’s couch” in 1 minute.  Only three couples had the nerve to compete.  We did like 8 hot positions!  You guys saw what I was wearing right?   My ass was all over that couch, everyone got a good show.  We went first so the next couples had some form of reference.  The next couple did pretty good, they were hot.  The last couple included a position we forgot and they won…….the 69!
Man, what kind of swingers are we that we forgot to demonstrate a 69???
That sux!
We did get some lovely consolation prize, tee shirts.
Of course all the judges got them too.
Oh well, we had fun!
We fucked so much Saturday night my woo was sore.  Not to mention that I am sore everywhere from the gym.  I think I have been overdoing it.  Anything to keep me from smoking.






I am on day 5 smoke free.

Anyways, back to Saturday night.  We went back and forth from the club to the lodging.  It made the time go by so fast.  At one point we went into the common room.  Miguel had me bent over a cupid’s couch right in the doorway of the common room.  There were like three couples in there and lots of traffic in the halls ways.  He fucked me senseless,  till I felt the numbness of my orgasm wash over me and my knees were weak.  All of a sudden it was 2:30 am.  Our last play session, when we got our own room, Miguel took out the blindfold.  Then he smacked me a bit and told me what a bad girl I was.  I was a bad girl.  He was gonna punish me by letting a strange guy use my pussy.  I was so wet and ready for my punishment.  I heard Miguel tell the guy how I needed to be punished.
Miguel fucked me first to get me ready for another cock.
Then Miguel fed his cock into my mouth.  I sucked and licked his tasty cock.  I massaged his balls with my tongue and stroked him with both my hands.
I was laying on my back,  I felt body weight between my legs.  He put his hands on my upper thighs then used his hands to spread my pussy. I felt the heat of his breath on my clit followed by the insane pressure of his pulsing tongue.  His tongue pulsed on my pussy.  I screamed as I orgasmed the first time with this stranger.
It was that good.
I had a hard time concentrating since the pulsing tongue kept at it.  His hands were steady on my labia as I trashed with pleasure.
Miguel saw my struggle and pulled his cock out of grasp.  Then he whispered in my ear for me to come on his face, and I did. Over and over again.  His tongue was so good.
At least he had that going for him.
When it came time for him to fuck me, he had performance problems.
He tried to get me to suck it to get it hard. It was smallish, and not responding to my mouth.
It was not gonna happen.
Oh well!
After he left the room,  Miguel fucked me real good.
He always does….

Local ventings

Hey yea it’s Saturday!  Going out to EWS tonight.  There are quite a few couples signed up to go from a local website.  It is sexy lingerie night,  I have the perfect outfit picked out…..

On a more personal note,  I quit smoking (cigarettes, of course I don’t use drugs).  I actually quit on Wednesday afternoon.  This will be like my 9th quit.  I quit once for as long as 2 1/2 years and another time I quit for only 2 1/2 days.

I count every attempt as worthy of something.

At least I am learning when not to quit.

I am using the nicotine patch.  I didn’t know my insurance would cover the costs,  but they are required by law to cover smoking cessation.  So all I had to do was get a prescription.

I feel pretty good.

So far this has been a great quit.  I figured if I can quit through this I should be able to stay quit.

School is very stressful, and I am not quite sure what to do with myself when we get a break.  I actually hung out with the smokers on Friday at break, it just feels wrong to be with the non-smokers.

At home not smoking gives me extra free time.  I literally have to stop everything I am doing and go outside to smoke at home.  I gained time back by not smoking.

I also got a membership to a gym too.   The nice part is I can take my kids.  So when I go work out I am getting them out of the house too.   I have worked out three out of four days.  I have some pent up anger that I am slowly sweating out of my system.  I feel great about this too.  I am a bit sore.  It feels delicious.  Cause I earned it, with my angry sweat.  Lots of nice eye candy at the gym too.  HmmMmmm!

I am really hoping to counteract the extra munching I am doing with working out.  I know not smoking is so much better.  Believe me, I have a whole list of reasons not to smoke.  The bottom line is my bad attitude that just says, FUCK IT!!!  Suffering with this, then I am okay, wait….back to suffering.

Hope you all are making good with your resolutions/ promises to yourself.