We went to the club last night and met a bunch of new couples. We participate in Swinger Speed Dating at the club whenever it is possible because it is a great chance to meet new people. There were a bunch of new couples at the club. (by new I mean new to me, not newbies) Rebecca Ammon hosts this event once a month. She always supplies a list of questions. The first question on the list last night was “Are you full swap, soft swap, seasoned or newbies?” We found a few newbies, but most of the couples were seasoned sluts experienced in the lifestyle. We found more than a handful that were not only full swap, they were full swap that played separately.
One of our “rules” is that we never play separately. Call me old fashioned but this for us is a hard limit. Most of the folks that have asked me personally to play separately were males that had problems performing with another man in the room. This is not what these couples told us drove them to play separately. The main reason these couples said play separately was that they found themselves distracted with their partner making noise next to them.
??
That is half the fun! Knowing Miguel is right there watching me, looking over at him. That is the biggest turn on. Seeing his face as he is enjoying himself. I am usually so caught up in what I am feeling during sex with him to enjoy this sight. I must confess that watching him enjoy himself has spurned many masturbation sessions for me and made it really easy to go from normal to completely turned on in order to test out various toys. (I have an awesome hobby) I just don’t think I could ever do this without him there. If my being turned on has ever driven Miguel to come sooner, well I think that is an even bigger turn on.
I have to admit that at first, in my early days of the lifestyle, I assumed that swinging separately was so sort of evolution of swinging. First comes voyeurism, then exhibitionism, then soft swap, then full swap, then playing separately. In that order. After meeting and talking to literally hundreds of swinger couples, I have found that this is not correct thinking. A lot of happy swingers find themselves very content at various levels and have no desire to move on to the “next” level. There is nothing wrong with this. People may assume that all swingers are like this, or that all swingers do that. The truth is that we are all similar in that we like sex, and then really anything goes from there. Miguel and I found this to be absolutely true right away. That is exactly why we have our hard limits and rules for swinging. Breaking any of our rules is not going to get us to the next level, it will get us fighting.
To be fair, I did notice that these couples did not start out swinging. The few couples we met that played separately had one thing in common…they all were an established couple for at least a few years (if not a decade+) before they decided to explore the lifestyle. We have never met a couple completely new to swinging that played separately. (other than a few that were actually in a poly relationship, but that doesn’t count) Does relationship length before swinging determine if a couple will end up playing separately? I guess Miguel and I dodged a bullet by getting into the lifestyle right away, while we are still relatively young and new to each other. This actually beings to my mind “key parties” of the 70′s that hosted to older couples. Ewwe! That is not for us.
Miranda & I kinda plunged in rather than progressed when it comes to swinging.
Our very first time we played with another new couple that was soft swap and had a zillion rules.
We immediately realized the rules thing wasn’t for us except for same room and condoms for safety. The same room thing was because we liked seeing and participating with each other.
We still have that same room preference, but not a rule.
It doesn’t fall into what most people consider swinging to be, but we basically can have sex with whomever, whenever we like. Neither of us do it much outside swinger circles, but we can.
It is very rare that we as a couple would split into separate rooms when with another swinging couple. We simply have no wish to do so.
On the very few occasions we have it has always been with couples we have all played on one bed with multiple times.
Couples that need separate rooms we avoid because 1) it isn’t our thing 2) from watching couples in our area we have noticed it sometimes shouts out to relationship issues 3) it seems more drama comes with these couples in general.
That is of course just our experience.
Different strokes for different folks.
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Ok, first I found you on the top sex blogs list and am slowly making my way through them all. I can say that when my husband and I are openly swinging we have never been to a party. We have our intimate partners if you will and rarely were we in the same room unless it was a threesome. The one time we were in the room together worked well for me but not for him as he was so excited watching me with another man and that man’s reactions he could not contain himself for his partner. So for us separate rooms work much better.
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He was over excited watching you? That is really hot! I get the same reaction from Miguel, but that is a part of the fun for us. I guess if it made it harder for him to prolong the moment, then I could see it. I still don’t think I would be comfortable with it, but it is nice that you have found what works for you.
Yea Karen we started out swinging from Day 1 and been together 17 years. We tried our first party and our first group experience this NYE. Group is distracting and not nearly as sensual. Hard to get to know people at a party and prefer one on one meetings for play. We dont feel we are newbies but we are constantly evolving in the lifestyle. We usually do same room but have recently tried separate rooms. Our problem with it was we couldn’t hear the other and that made our experience less than satisfactory. We find it a turn on and big motivator to at least be able to hear our partners moans. We love touching and sucking each other when on the same bed while with our friends. We both felt some loss at not sharing together that time but feel it may be different with other people. The whole subject is taken now on a couple by couple basis, everyone is so different. But yes we only did the separate rooms after we had been with them a few times in our boat, separate cabins but close enough to hear each other. We don’t make rules anymore, there’s no point, we always end up breaking them, lol!
I think groups could be fun but you are probably right about it being a bit too much. We tried with just two couples and although it was a great time, I doubt it is something we would repeat. Swinging is something Miguel and I enjoy as a couple. It is something that enhances our sex life. I don’t want to loose sight of that.
Swinging encompasses a variety of activities, but doesn’t necessarily “evolve” from one level to the next in a sequential manner. My husband and I started out with threesomes and enjoyed those for quite a while before we started playing with couples. We do a LOT of separate play and it has worked really well for us. When playing separately, either simultaneously in separate rooms or on solo dates, we each get the opportunity to indulge in behaviors that completely turn us on without any regard for timing. In almost all cases of our same-room or simultaneous separate room sex, I’ve felt like I need to somehow temper my behavior to make sure I don’t take too long, moan too loudly, etc. There have been more than just a couple instances of jealousy from the other spouse/partner (both male and female).
In regard to your theory – we’ve been married for 20+ years and swinging since year 1.
Here’s some more thoughts on this topic that I wrote a couple years ago: http://www.sabrinaswings.com/same-room-or-separate-room/
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Veronica and I have been swingers for 4+ years and married for 19+, so we fall into that “established couple” demographic. We play in the same room, in separate rooms if the other couple desires, and also completely separately.
What do you mean by ‘dodged a bullet’ in reference to getting involved ins swinging early on in your relationship? Veronica and I are actually leery of and tend to avoid ‘new’ couples, as in our experience more-established couples are less drama-prone.
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I don’t really consider us to be a new couple. I agree that new couples are much more drama prone. Your timeline verifies my hypothesis about what types of couples swing separately.
I also think that by swinging early on in our relationship we are less likely to want to swing separately. I think we dodged a bullet because we will hopefully never be that couple that swings to take a break from each other. Swinging is something we do to enhance our relationship.
So by your logic, when Veronica and I swing separately, we are NOT enhancing our relationship and are “taking a break from each other”
okayyyyy
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I am not sure why people swing as a couple in a separate room from their significant other. Maybe there is something sexy about discussing details later, but taking a break from each other might also be true. I do not swing that way, so I can only assume what motivates people that do.