Miguel and I are not a sexually aggressive couple. I don’t walk around at clubs making out with people I don’t know. There might be a preconceived notion out there that maybe all swingers are really sexually aggressive. It just isn’t true. I have met a good mix of sexually aggressive and sexually passive lovers. I have played both sides, depending on the situation and mood.I don’t ever want to be the over-confident, super aggressive woman at the party. I know how this makes other people feel, so I try not to do it. We definitely don’t want to come across like Pepé Le Pew! I am a bit passive-aggressive. I know, I hate this about myself, but I have come to realize it is exactly that term that describes my nature. I am really only super aggressive when I mix liquor. (liquid courage!)
That is not to say that I can’t be sexually aggressive. It is just not really my comfort zone.
What happens when two non-aggressive swinging couples meet…a lot of talking. A lot of story telling. Miguel and I can talk a lot. I have to admit that we are great ice-breakers, not so expert at deal-closing. We have played aggressor at times when the mix dictates, usually with new couples. Miguel is great at being able to read people and he usually initiates something.
I think sexual aggression has a lot to do with self-confidence. Being non-aggressive I try to gauge people by their body language. I can misconstrue your body language for non-attraction. More than that I just hate initiating things.
We went out last Saturday to meet another couple. We had a “date” with this couple last week. Chemistry was there and so we agreed to meet them in their home this time. They were really great hosts. The night they had planned was perfect, complete with dinner, drinks, a full body massage, and a trip to a sex toy shop. (Btw, can I tell you that if you have a chance to hook-up with a masseuse who loves their work, you should do it! I got massaged from my head down to my toes, I still feel great two days later.)
The problem, well it wasn’t really a red flag type of problem, was that neither of us were really sexually aggressive. We eventually did get to close the deal, but it took a long time. I don’t think it was a lack of attraction, merely a lack of sexual aggression. I am sure that the next time we meet up with this couple it will be less awkward. It makes me wonder why it isn’t sexually awkward every time we swing. Somehow it usually isn’t.
The times I am sexually aggressive it is with people I know, who I know are interested. I think this is something I need to work on. I know I am attractive. Maybe it is better to get turned down occasionally then to miss out on something by being sexually passive. (Think about how much we all grew to love Pepé Le Pew!) Aggressive is better.