I have to vent about something. We met a couple that was all about the double standard in swinging. I mentioned how I noticed for a woman to be bisexual and that is okay, normal even, in the swinger lifestyle. On the flip side, it is not okay for a man to be bisexual. They agreed that this is how it is for good reason….

I asked if they would consider playing with a couple where the guy was bisexual even if they didn’t have to play that way and they said “Hell no!”

“A male that has any kind of relation with another male is less likely to use a condom, and therefore more likely to have an STD.”

I swear they actually said that, and they really believed it. I was completely floored. I still am. I thought only cavemen thought like that. I continued to prod them with questions:

“What about anal? Would you have you ever?” Oh that yes of course, there is nothing gay about a man fucking a woman in the ass.

“What about the male prostate, have you ever stimulated it or had it stimulated?” Umm…Well…. change the subject.

We live in an age of unlimited information. I find it so hard to believe that a man who gets hard thinking about another man would be less likely to wear a condom. Since we are all so fucking smart about STDs these days we are even more careful. Most swingers don’t necessarily want full on male/male sex and I get that. But what would be less safe about a wife performing a blowjob over the husband doing it? There is no difference.

I really believe this. Am I the one that is crazy?

It is absurd to think that homosexuals are less likely to use a condom. Even worse that a swinging bi-sexual male would be less likely to use a condom. Do they think that a man would have to be a little stupid to do that, or intoxicated even? What about bisexual women are they less likely to practice safe sex? No they didn’t see that at all. What is this fear of male bisexuals? I don’t get it!

So actually if it is in your profile that you are a bi-sexual male, you will encounter prejudice. You may not feel it, but some couples will pass you up thinking that you are less willing to practice safe sex. Wtf? We have played with couples that are both bisexual, letting them know that Miguel is straight and not only was this not an issue…they used condoms too!

Most swinger woman are bi-sexual and this is not at all frowned upon in the lifestyle. Most couples start out wanting that female/female play and then take it from there. Should men that are open to playing with men be excluded from the scene?

I hope not.

I still think it is hot to see a man with a man. I love gay porn and pegging is still one of my favorite things. Of course when it comes down to it I want a hetero male to spend my life with. I just think that by excluding men from potential play partners you loose 1/2 of the population. It is hard enough to find people to play with that are open, sexy, and fun without being ignorant about a whole populous. I know I am a bit open minded. I agree that bi-sexual men are not going to be everyone’s kink, I get it. For some people, it is a big turn off. Why not just say you are not into it?

I hoped being this in this lifestyle I would not even encounter people like this. I took an impromptu poll at a swinger club and was happy to find that most swingers do not agree with this thinking. Most couples I talked to were not bothered by a bisexual man in a potential couple even if they didn’t practice it themselves. Most swingers are open to sexual fun, all types, and still keep it safe.

I don’t think m/m play is everyone’s kink, just like f/f play isn’t. There is an unfair double standard.


  1. Plop says:


    Actually not, gay men are much more likely to have aids than heterosexuals. That’s why in a lot of countries they can’t give blood.

  2. angie lilly says:

    to me this sounds like homophobia on their part. the whole lesbians are sexy and gay men are unacceptable. I can’t imagine being open enough to be a swinger and yet be that ignorant and hateful toward male bisexuality. my hubby and I are both bi and, while we are not swingers, we are educated and feel that is what makes people use condoms. your sexual pref has NOTHING to do with your education and use of said education to make informed, smart sexual decisions.

  3. MikeLynn says:

    Hey Karen and Miguel,

    Long time no see…lol What has it been 3 or 4 yrs now. or more?

    We don’t have a problem with bi men. We actually went to a bi-couples party as the only stright couple there. We only played straight that night, but witnessed oral between the guys once in awhile. It was a little wierd to see having never seen the act in person. However, after a little while it didn’t seem out of the ordinary. There was no m/m anal activity. Though after the shock wore off that wouldn’t have been a big deal either.

    I am now bi-curious and looking to try out a few things, only oral though. My ass is tight even for a finger….lol

    Mike n (Lynn)

  4. Fodra says:

    In some ways I’m surprised, because I thought swingers were more open minded and seemed to tend to be bi, and not, given how the double standard on same-sex relationships. I can’t believe anyone would honestly believe that, last I checked safe sex was the rule in general swinging, although not always is a closed group. Wile the anal tissues are more delicate, and easier to damage via friction or certain lubricant ingredients, it isn’t like anal sex can’t be safe, or that you even have to do it. They don’t even need to touch the other man, if they didn’t want to.
    Honestly, this makes me wonder what sort of attitudes a f/f couple would encounter.
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  5. Seth says:

    I am bi-sexual but not a “swinger”. The idea that I’m unsafe because I like both girls and guys sexually is stupid. Being bi-sexual is no different than liking blonds and brunettes. It’s a preference that changes nothing about the person.
    Seth would like you read..I will draw 6 pictures of any character masterbating or using sexy toys on themselves for 20My Profile

  6. Mrs. AP and I see this online all the time. I cannot begin to tell you the number of insulting messages we have gotten on SLS and OKCupid because I’m openly Bi, despite that I mention in the SLS profile that I respect all boundaries and will play it as straight as need be to keep people comfortable.

    That said, our preferred dynamic is to bring in another Bi guy, and the three of us do whatever comes up together. We know flat out that in a club environment the chances of that happening are slim to none unless we do lots of talking beforehand and arrange to meet at the club. Somehow, though, I bet that if we were in Lover’s Lane and I went down on a guy that the crowd reaction would be entirely positive. It’s a prejudiced attitude that I know I will have to face.

    In the end, it’s all about having a safe and sexy fun time. We don’t play with anybody else without condoms, be they male, female, or other. As Rebecca Ammon has said, we want to keep the pretty parts looking pretty.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP

  7. Raine says:

    The double standard has always bothered me, I haven’t tried swnging yet-I’m single now, but my last relationship my boyfriend loved anal play, but after he got off he would get angry like he did something ‘wrong’. I believe he was struggling with admiting he was but embarassed because of his strict homophobic upbringing and afraid of being loosing and getting made fun of by all of his friends. It’s a shame because I had alot of fun when I could get him in the mood, after the 1st time he ‘gave me access’, i had so much fun that sex after that just fell flat. Guys need to know that anal play does not mean your gay/bi or it’s wrong. It should be a great part of your sex life if you really do enjoy it & feel pleasure.

  8. Aaron says:

    It’s the stigma attached to M/M sex. Straight men don’t want another guy near their equipment because they feel that if it happened they would be labeled as “gay”.
    I must admit to being slightly homophobic. That is because I was sexually molested and butt-fucked by a man when I was only 6. Since then I have found more comfort talking and hanging with women. That’s not to say I didn’t have male friends as I grew. I was just very selective about any male friends and I still am today.

    • BlueKaren says:

      I am sorry to hear that, thank you for your honesty. At least you have a reason for fear. I was molested (at ages 6-8)and raped (at age 12),by men. These things take time to heal but fears can be overcome. Making up lies because you(or anyone) want to avoid a group of people is not cool.

  9. Anal sex is a high(er) risk behavior regardless if it’s m/m or m/f. and not all gay guys, much less bisexual, even have anal sex. (seriously)

    Tell Miguel I am very impressed btw. I can actually understand a straight guy not wanting to swap with a guy who is bi. even without m/m contact they are still naked and fucking next to each other, and i can understand why that might be uncomfortable. I would have no issue playing with a couple where they were both straight even tho i am bi. but i would totally understand if the woman was uncomfortable.
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  10. Krissy says:

    I think it’s just because in the PAST , homosexual men in general were less likely to use condoms. They also had more partners, and they had the biggest outbreak of AIDS.
    Is it true anymore? Doubtful, but that’s where it comes from.

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