Swinging won’t fix a broken relationship. I have to say this again because we keep running into couples that actually think it will. I’m sorry. If you are on the outs, or just getting back together from being on the outs, this isn’t a good time. A swinging relationship takes work, more work even then a monogamous one.
We met a couple on Saturday that Miguel had been talking to for a while. We had a few drinks and then the truth came out, they were trying to fix something that had been severed within their relationship. Maybe opening up their relationship would make the infidelity that had occurred less severe. I struggled to listen as the girl poured her heart out. This was his idea and she was finally going to ‘submit’ to it. They were the sweetest couple, but I don’t like drama.
This is exactly the type of thing that I am scared of when we meet a newbie couple.
Had they ever done this before? Nope. Oh well there was this one time with a single guy… She blushed as she recounted in g-rated detail. She struggled even to say what they had done. Ashamed to have shared her bed with a lover as he watched.
This is probably not the lifestyle for you. Any couple that tells me they are trying to fix anything with a swinging hook-up is going to send an me running. The reason for this is simple, I don’t need that kind of drama. As Miguel always says “Save the drama for your momma!”
Let me just say that if they didn’t say anything about it, I would not have guessed that. They did a really good job before bringing any relationship crap up of playing a really cute, totally in love, couple. Imagine my surprise if I had found this out like…the next day? This information would have created guilt for me for not looking for clues in the conversation. I don’t want that kind of pressure in my fun. I want to think that every couple we play with both want to be there and for the right reasons.
Maybe I took the conversation wrong? I really hope so. Just in case let me bring up a couple of important points:
Swinging is not an easy fix for a sexually broken couples. If one or both of you can’t/won’t play then that needs to be said way before we get to the bedroom. I hate when I find a great couple and the male part can’t play with a condom on or she only wants to play with me and not my partner. No swinger wants to be part of that four person threesome.
Swinging won’t work for couples that can’t communicate. You need to be a little comfortable with your own sexuality. Be aware that sex is gonna come up and you should be comfortable with the terminology used in a conversation.
The swinger lifestyle is not for couple’s that can’t trust each other. I do not want to be anyone’s surprise. This lifestyle is about consensual sex, not forced sex to save a relationship. No swinging female wants to be part of a forced sex show to please your man. I can tell when you are not enjoying it and I am going to stop and call you on it.
Are you and your partner on the same page sexually? You should be. It can work for couples when they go forth together in trust. There has to be open communication and trust. The swinger lifestyle has opened me up to so many things but it has also closed some door for me. There is no room in a swinging relationship for jealousy. Even strong couples may at times find themselves struggling with this. I would never recommend this to a couple on the outs. Swinging takes work.
This lifestyle will not work for everyone, it just won’t.
Please don’t get into swinging thinking that you fix something broken in your relationship. Not all swingers are in the perfect relationship, there are those that are in this lifestyle for the wrong reasons. There are those that just swing together and have no relationship. Then are even those that really shouldn’t be swinging because everywhere they go they create drama. You don’t want to be one of those couples. A swinging relationship is meant for sex positive couples that have a good solid foundation of trust and communication. Work on open communication and if you still are curious then explore this together. Please don’t tell people you are doing this to fix something. No potential hook-up will want to deal with that kind of responsibility.
This is a very good post! I think a lot of people try to spice up their sex life, to fix a relationship but IMO, it only makes things worse
MrsJoJo (@Josephine_KK) would like you read..Sexy Health Check Week – Guest Post from @FPApleasure
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It still amazes me how much better I now know my wife and the closer we are because of letting go. The swing life style took our dulling relationship and made it bright and shiny again. Her and I both seeing the other desired by others of the opposite sex did wonders too. Was our routine driving us apart and was it a problem, yes. But as we began to explore and adventure back out into deep water it has rekindled our relationship and has brought us back together focused on having good times. We have gone through an enlightening so to speak for the last several years and the lifestyle has resulted from it. Karen and Miguel are on our list of fun to come and we both are waiting our turn (hint, hint).
Michael would like you read..Walter Russell
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I can’t stand any drama in my life, yet it finds me! Good call on not getting involved. I’ve always been with the jealous types-so even though we were open in our relationships, I knew not to bring up what I wanted to do because even if they agreed, the jealousy & drama after would have been too much. They were all jerks for the most part anyway-seeing as how I’m not with them, but I didn’t need anymore complications/stress in my life. I wanta fun, relaxed sex life where everyone is happy!
I totally agree. I would add, though, that while what you say is right (swinging won’t “fix” a broken relationship), it CAN add a dimension of excitement to a tired sexual relationship. If I had a nickel for every couple that tells me how swinging rejuvenated their sex life, made it better than ever before, I’d have a lot of nickels.
N. Likes would like you read..Frisky Friday #13
I agree completely!
at least you found out before. I ended up involved in a poly triangle once only to find out they had totally lied about the state of their marriage. One of the worse experiences of my life. major drama!
as far as m/f couples that only want to play f/f… I always assumed their were alot of couples like that and that there are some male counterparts what would be content with just watching the “show”?
storm ellliott would like you read..DIY BDSM sex toys
Sure guys love to watch, but what if they want only her husband to play? This has happened to us and the guy has gotten really jealous when my guy joins in.
What if she doesn’t reciprocate? I am not a paid performer and I with a guy for a reason, girls aren’t my only thing. I just like to know these things up front. Any woman can tell if the girl she is playing with isn’t into it….just sayin.
that would be pretty ballsy to expect only one of the guys to sit out and watch. and its’ upsetting to think a woman would play if she wasnt into it. just to “make her man happy”
I have met scores of couples like that. You would be surprised at how many just want me to play with and Miguel to sit and watch. Some girls will do anything to please their men, it is sad.