Unicorn Concerns

Swinger Q & A

Hey Karen,

I have an “anonymous” question I”m hoping you can help me with.
I’m single and keep wanting to go to the local on-site club. I’ve only been there a couple of times and it was with a partner. When we were there I only met one woman who was there by herself and she was a regular who recently became single.

What do you guys think about me going by myself? I don’t know anybody to go with and I really need…uh…need to get out. ;)

I think physical safety I would feel okay about because it’s “on site”, and I have no issues leaving doors open. Just wondering if you know any women who have gone to clubs by themselves. Any concerns or tips?

Thank You!

Karen Says:

I know a few single girls but they usually come to the club with ‘friends’. Do you have a profile on a swinger site? If the on-site club has a website, look to see if they have any “swinger site” affiliations. You could set up a profile and see if maybe you could talk to some folks before you go…make some friends ahead of time. If I were single, that is what I would do. SwingLifeStyle is a good site and they list parties at clubs that would be local to you. They usually have a guest list which allows you to see people who have signed up to go to local parties. SLS is free to join and it might be safe way to see who might be there. Maybe even a way to “meet” people before you go.

I would think this would be the safest way. Meeting people online is fun but I would caution against putting too many pics online for people. I have found lots of folks on sites that just like to collect pictures. Be honest on your profile and state that you are looking to meet some new friends. Don’t feel pressured to hang out with only one couple at the club once you are there. Once people know you are there alone your “unicorn status”1 will make you very popular.

Miguel Says:

Sign on to as many adult dating sites you can find to make it easier to find someone to go to the clubs/club with you. Most good clubs have good rules and even security. You will be the proverbial “unicorn,” you will be very popular. You may even find another unicorn to go with. Have fun and leave anxiety at the door.


  1. A Unicorn is a single female in the swinger lifestyle, so rare she is almost a myth.


  1. Raine says:

    I don’t think I qualify as a Unicorn, so much as a want to be Unicorn. I have always been very interested in the swinger lifestyle, but I’ve never had a partner who have even considered it (i have a long history of being a jerk magnet) I have been single for over two years now(and haven’t had intercourse in that long either) I was happy with my independence, but now it’s turning into isolation and masturbating is more a chore to get off then fun anymore! I didn’t realize about the all of the online sites, I had never tried the dating sites becaues I don’t want to date, I just want to have a great sex life, a few friends, and no commitments. Great q&a, I’m going to explore the sites, I also worry about safety as a single girl, I like to thing I can take care of myself, but I have been raped twice in the past-so I’m very cautious, yet my libido and mind is screaming at me to do something!!! :)

  2. Trebchelle says:

    I agree…we have our pics distorted and “we” don’t ask for more….

    I’d think it’d be the safest way to meet like minded people…good luck!

  3. Zimmer says:

    I have had the same question. I am also a “Unicorn” and I prefer not to have umm entanglements.
    Although, I would like to be involved in the lifestyle. I was introduced to swinging from a previous relationship and I still crave to explore alone. But I like anonymous would like to go to a club or another type of gathering… I went to one a s/D type of night at a private house. I felt like such a outsider. So for me it is finding events that I would feel comfortable at.
    I also followed your advice regarding the posting on a adult dating site and it was as if it was a full moon for the men. (long story) Is there a way not to post a face and remain “anonymous” rather like a don’t ask don’t tell place? I have found that one picture is never enough men and the women always want one more… “Show me your….” It was Rather disconcerting.

    • BlueKaren says:

      I think SLS has a feature on their sites so that when you add a pic you can distort the face. We have met lots of unicorns on that site and I never demanded one more pic. People like that sound to me like pic collectors. I would have a few on the site, distort the face so they get an idea of your shape. Then if someone contacts you ask them to send pics first. I don’t know any women I have met in the lifestyle that asked for a xxx rated shot, that might be a guy posing as a couple! Plenty of them we have found…

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