What I really need is a good spanking.
I won’t delve out all the reasons why this is necessary for me right now. It is so boring and monotonous, my reasoning. My life is wearing me down.
I will tell you what I think it will do for me…
I need order to the chaos in my head. I am sick of the demands of everything I loathe being in control of everything. I need the reins of control taken from me.
I need the white sharp pain right now. The bliss of space exploding over me as I get my punishment. This is what I really need. I feel I cannot truly relax until I get it. The pain allows me to refocus my energy. Being bound and helpless is a concrete thing I need to draw me back to center. I have never been so sure about something in my life. I need it. I need to be controlled and smacked. I need the pain. I need the pain from someone who dominates me in love and life. I need something I cannot get right now. I am aching for it.
Maybe all subs feel this way. I don’t sub full time, but it appeals to me. Maybe you, like me, have wondered what about pain would appeal to someone. Something about the feel of straps on my wrists and ankles, the tight stretch of submission that I must yield to. He is in control, this is exactly where I should be. The deliberation of holding still when I should, of submitting to him. I wore my collar this weekend, but it went unused. Sometimes I try to top from the bottom, but my attempts fail to get the desired results. I don’t need an audience. I only need him to see me take it.
The real truth about submission is that it allows me the freedom to choose to loose control. I need that. Now that I know how good it can be for me, I crave it. It isn’t always about sex, although it is a sexual act. That isn’t bad, just not entirely true for me. Submitting is sexual, but it is also something that can be enjoyed apart from sex. This is one of those times where sex could be part of it or not. I am a scattered mess and I need a spanking.