Breaking the Ice in the Lifestyle


Meeting new couples in the lifestyle can be a challenge. Most new couples find it hard to actually “hook-up” with others as they try to break into the swinger lifestyle. Most couples may try by placing an profile on a swinger site. I have written previously about the unwritten rules of creating a profile on swinger sites before and offered some suggestions. We have profiles on a lot of sites, (Kasidie, SwingLifeStyle, Swinger Date Club, and Adult Friend Finder just to name a few). Having your profile on more than one site should increase your odds but even having the best profile does not guarantee you success. You may still end up meeting picture collectors, and playing e-mail/text ping-pong with people who are not afraid of wasting your time.

I remember going to a club for the first time and feeling like breaking the ice was just too difficult. How do I find a reason to talk to someone I might want to hook-up with? Miguel and I are both pretty social and we have become pretty bold. At first we were wall flowers and didn’t talk to anyone. Why even go out? I wanted to play with people but didn’t know how to approach people. One of the best ways to meet new people is just to walk up to them and say hello. This approach won’t really work if everyone is already talking to another couple. There are cliques in some clubs and most regulars have friends they socialize with. Breaking into a conversation is just rude and we don’t do that. The more you go to a place the more you begin to recognize people. Once you have established that you want to play and your partner is in, how do you proceed? After a few nights out at any club, you can see who comes a lot. I am not suggesting you wait that long. So what do you do when you see a couple you want to hook-up with, just walk up and say hello? What if you or your partner is too shy for that? What if you are at a new club?

Most swinger clubs want people to have a great night. They want you to find what you are looking for, and hopefully make a friend. They know that you will probably come back if you do. Most swinger clubs have all kinds of games at their disposal, these could be great for a home party as well. We have played some ridiculous games and some really funny games. We struggled with shyness until we decided to start playing the games at clubs. Having been in the lifestyle for a few years now, I have noticed how much more social people can be after a few games. Playing games when you are new is almost always a good idea. Games are suppose to get people out of their shell and talking to each other. Some are better at that than others. One of my favorite “games” is the Speed Dating game. The idea is pretty simple. You go out and spend a few minutes talking to each couple until everyone has met each other. Most swingers are friendly social people, so this is genius. Imagine if you could meet a bunch of new people at a club! Participating in games increases the meeting new people which increases chances for success at swinging. If you get a chance at a club to play a game, I say go for it! You are likely to meet new people and maybe even win a prize for your night out.

Some tips for meeting new people:

  • Keep communication open with other couples by NOT sitting in the corner anymore. Move to a more approachable area.You are out to meet people, not just converse with your s/o!
  • Be yourself and keep it simple. Look for something complimentary to say if nothing else comes to you…this works almost anywhere, btw.
  • Talk about your experience, don’t be afraid to say if you don’t have any. “We have never been here before, is it usually this crowded/dark/loud/quiet?” is a great way to meet new people.
  • I am surprised at how often simply asking “Is this your first time here?” opens up the door for Miguel and I to talk to new people. Even if the answer is no, there is usually a story to go with it.
  • Be nice! Don’t talk about other people in a negative way. Swinger are a small community and you want to make a good impression.

After a few hook-ups breaking the ice will be easier, even the quietest couple can make new friends if they try. Don’t be afraid to talk to people, you have at least one common interest after all, right?

♥ Good news for people close to Tampa, FL…Rebecca Ammon is hosting a speed dating event at Eyz Wide Shut on September 1st. I hope to meet you there! ♥


  1. Great post, Karen. There are always people at a club who are nervous and will be relieved if you just walk up to them and say hello. One of the most important thing for newbies to understand or remember is that just because you introduce yourself or say hello to someone, doesn’t mean that you have to play with them. Swinging is a social activity in addition to a sexual one. Friendly flirtatiousness goes a very long way!

  2. Aaron says:

    The first party we attended was an orientation to the lifestyle. So we were there for many hours meeting all the other newbies before the actual party started. 5 or 6 experienced couples would attend the after-orientation party too.
    However, at the next party the host/hostess had a way for everyone to meet. The men would all stand in a circle facing out. Then their mate would stand in front of them. At a given signal, the women would shift to the left to the next man. They were given one minute to chat. The signal again. Shift again. Until the women were again in front of their mate. By then everyone had broken the ice and had met a few more potential fuck-buddies.

    • BlueKaren says:

      That sounds like a great way to meet people. It would work at a private party, but not at a club. There are always those that won’t participate at a club.

  3. Thanks for publishing. You have offered very essential info which many people neglect.

  4. Inferno says:

    Very good tips Karen.
    I personally was nervous as heck my first few times visiting clubs and larger parties so wasn’t very good at introducing myself around.
    Played the wallflower.
    Inferno would like you read..Is it a boy or a girl?My Profile

  5. padmeamidala says:

    Great post, karen! I can remember the first time that I went to a swinging dance party. I was so nervous and it was hard to break the ice. Thanks for the tips on meeting new people. :)

    padmeamidala would like you read..2012 Top sex bloggers List!My Profile

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge