Trying to find a routine after a hiatus is tougher than I thought it would be. The problem is, I fell into a dangerous routine of coming home from work, sitting outside with a beer and my laptop, and chain smoking the evening away. This has been going on for over a month. I recognize the routine is bad but changing routines is uncomfortable. I decided when we move things will be different.
Things are really different. The new house offers the convenience of a nice set-up for me outside. There is my familiar table and chair, a plug-in for my laptop, plenty of shade on the porch…I don’t feel the same about it though. I reached a point when I know I have to make a change. The core of the problem is me not spending time inside the house. My kids and Miguel know if they need to talk to me, they need to meet me outside. The reason I like it outside is pretty simple; I don’t smoke in the house.
I went online and bought something I hope will help fix the problem; an e-cigarette.
Smoking is such a routine for me. I have been smoking more than half of my life. I know all the dangers, and I have quit a dozen times. I am a smoker despite my best efforts to quit. I have quit for years at a time, just to fall prey to nicotine again. I have to outsmart this stupid addiction. E-cigarettes have come a long way, even in two years since I tried them last. The last ones I tried were “top of the line” at the time. They had short battery life and needed refilling constantly. They also had an inconsistent nicotine level. I could tell when I slipped and smoked a real cigarette. I got a tell-tale head-rush. I grew frustrated and started smoking again after a short time. The one I bought this time has a long battery life, like over 24 hours. It also only needs filling after 1 1/2 day. So far, so good!
I don’t know how long I will stick with it. I know there are dangers to e-cigarettes. I haven’t even attempted to find out the risks. Could it be any worse than tobacco and carbon dioxide? The great thing I can tell you, is that my clothes don’t smell like cigarettes and I can now smoke in my house/car without guilt. It is vapor and doesn’t leave lingering smoke. I am elated. I wanna tell the whole fucking world about this alternative. I swear I didn’t have the right tools the first time I tried this. This time is better, this e-cigarette is fracking awesome. I got my e-cigarette here. Of course you may find this product cheaper other places. I got it shipped to me superfast, like 2 days later, without paying extra.
If you are a non-smoker, you can’t know or understand my plight. Sorry. I am a nicotine addict. You probably cant relate. I just needed to vent about this mind vomit. I just wanted to share this plight with you. I would outright quit smoking, but then my other problem rears it’s ugly head….the struggle with my weight. Sad to say I am more afraid of gaining weight then I am of health risks. Low self-esteem makes me feel less sexy. Less sexy feeling means less sex. This is a much worse than smelling like smoke in my opinion. That is the state of priorities in my head America. My addicted brain is settling into a nice routine. I will be back more often to blog.