Shopping for Sexual Fun

A letter from a reader.

My wife and I are just starting out in the lifestyle and we have really enjoyed reading your stories!  I really appreciate the pictures that accompany your words as well.  Miguel sounds like an amazing guy and I can only hope to be as good to my lady as he is to you.  I’m curious to hear how he goes about weeding out online people for the two of you to meet? I’ve taken on that role and so far we’ve met two couples that have been great, but not really moved beyond that point.  How does he help move from point A to point B?


Miguel Says:

Searching for FWB’s online is always going to be a hit or miss situation. You have to maximize the pool you have to choose from. We are active on at least 5 swinger websites. You should keep profiles on your sites updated as much as possible. We also check listings and put ads up on Craigslist from time to time. If you are the “shopper” in the relationship, you have to be very patient. You need a general idea of what physical attributes attract your partner. It’s going to help you narrow your search. No matter how selective and careful you might be, you will find picture collectors, males passing off as females, males passing off as couples, spammers, cheating males, people with outdated pictures, prostitutes, strippers trying to get you to meet where they work so they can fleece you, and even cheating females. You will also encounter people that want to swing but don’t have the time or opportunity, extremely picky people, swinger pen-pals, paranoid about privacy people, pushy people, people that want to meet “right fucking now,” and people that are just not ready to enjoy the lifestyle drama-free. We prefer to meet people in a public setting. During the week we meet them in a “vanilla” setting, but on weekends we meet them at one of our favorite swinger’s clubs. The latter so if we don’t totally click, the night is not lost. You should be upfront and honest of your expectations for your first meeting. Be yourselves and stick to your rules. Make sure the couple or person you meet know your rules. Normally this is brought up during the awkward chat before you all get frisky. Make sure you are clear on their rules. There is a lot I can say about this, but nothing can prepare you like trial and error.

Karen Says:

Wow these are great questions! I’m gonna address the second part of your question, since I actually have more of an idea about that. Alcohol? Um, not really sure. The scene is just as important as the players mood. Are you in the bar? Take it to the house. If you are at the house, move it to the bedroom. Let the couple know you are interested somehow. Tell them point blank that you are both interested in taking it further. Once you move it to the location do not chatter on about things, put the focus on what you came there for. Once it shifts to the bedroom, clothes should be coming off. You are there and have met their approval, just do what you would do at home to her. I am a bit bold but even still sometimes it takes an hour or two of cutting the ice to get there. It could start with a kiss. Talk about your fantasies and things you have done together.

I have cut the ice by showing off some toys before. A pool or hot tub is good for getting clothes off also. It really depends. If you are the newbies and they are more experienced, make sure to tell them. Hey, don’t be afraid to mention that you are scared to make the first move. Some people make take your shyness for disinterest. Look for a couple with experienced in the lifestyle and tell them you need someone to help you “pop your newbie cherry”. We have met plenty of newbie couples and been their first swap. We always try to make couples feel comfortable and go over boundaries. Since our first experience got so out of hand, we don’t want to scare anyone out of living their fantasy (even if it is only for the night). Sometimes Miguel will get bold and start rubbing my leg, tit, or labia to get me to make the first move. This is usually just the push I need. Miguel will get me excited and then the focus is on sex, so I feel less self-conscious about laying a kiss on a girl (or guy for that matter). Sometimes I will just get close to her, and let her know how beautiful I think she is. Women have to feel like they are desired, I know! I have no problem telling a women what she wants to hear so she will feel sexy.


I hope some of this helps! Good luck in your search and keep it sexy!


  1. padmeamidala says:

    Excellent blog post! Thank you. :)

    I’m very curious about your first experience being out of hand? I’m curious what happened? Did you blog about it and could I read it?


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  3. Ben says:

    This was so great to read! It sounds like Miguel does a great job of picking, and enjoys the benefits. Thank you both so much for this!

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