So this week I am unemployed and job searching. I have been playing around on the net a lot too. I wrote some new reviews for my site. Ordered a bunch of new toys, the naughty kind of course! I made a video review for Eden Fantasys. I wrote a long article for Eden Cafe. I have pretty much been fucking around with no real direction on where to even start for this job search. I mean I am applying to work in my field, but I am a bit more jaded about job descriptions these days. The rose tinted glasses are off and I do not want to end up at another job I loath going to everyday.
I have been really irritated lately. This is in part due to the situation I find myself in, with no money coming in and bills looming over me. I think it is more than that though. Miguel and I have not been having sex much lately. What? I know! WTF? My kids are the best form of cock-blocking birth control on the planet. It is just their ages right now and a faze but man it sure is frustrating! I think we might go out tomorrow just so we can have sex. It is kind of sad because we have a perfectly good bed, but it houses little people every night.
It is something more than that though. Did I ever tell you that I read tarot cards? I do. I am a bit abnormal, I know. When I was a kid I could tell my Mom what the weather was like before I even stepped out side. I always knew when it was going to rain or be cold. I think alot of people have that skill, they just know. I can read palms and rune stones too. This has become for me a useless talent. When I was a bit younger I thought I might open my own storefront psychic shop. Yes, people, every little girl’s dream! I am not as eccentric as I used to be. People don’t accept things out of the norm with open arms. I don’t even remember how I knew I could do these things. I just did and I saw how accurate it was, my “guessing”. The thing is that I just tell people what they already know. It seems like a big revelation to them. The cards don’t offer me any big revelations about my life. I see the cards and get instantly mad when I read for myself. I knew that already! Runes are trickier though. I think it is because so much is left open for interpretation. The few good books I could find that offered any kind of information seemed dated, or contradicted something else I had read. I like the idea of the rune stones but I think the majic is too old for these fast times to be of real relevance. Palms are really easy though. Nothing much you can do to change your palm, it is all right there. I have never read a book about how to read palms but I am almost always dead on when I tell people what I see. I guess it is more of a natural talent.
This is all pretty useless information for me now though. Most people are so damned skeptical. People don’t believe in majic or psychic abilities. I saw a show on television that set out to disprove these people who claimed to be psychic. They offered $100,000 to anyone that could prove their skills. Then the people set up impossible rules that left almost all contact with people out. It was designed to see psychics fail and it succeeded in making them all look like frauds. Everyone of them failed the tests that they took on their ability. While I don’t think everyone who claims it is legit, I doubt in a real situation these people would have failed. I don’t think I would have gone on that show either. My integrity would have come into question if I had failed. It may not pass your stupid tests, but I know what I know. Ya know?
So anyways after over a year of sitting in a drawer I took my cards out tonight. Do you know what I saw? Everything I already knew would be there. Grrr! Oh well!