Tag Archive for swinger club

Same Room or Separate Swinging?

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We went to the club last night and met a bunch of new couples. We participate in Swinger Speed Dating at the club whenever it is possible because it is a great chance to meet new people. There were a bunch of new couples at the club. (by new I mean new to me, not newbies) Rebecca Ammon hosts this event once a month. She always supplies a list of questions. The first question on the list last night was “Are you full swap, soft swap, seasoned or newbies?” We found a few newbies, but most of the couples were seasoned sluts experienced in the lifestyle. We found more than a handful that were not only full swap, they were full swap that played separately.

One of our “rules” is that we never play separately. Call me old fashioned but this for us is a hard limit. Most of the folks that have asked me personally to play separately were males that had problems performing with another man in the room. This is not what these couples told us drove them to play separately. The main reason these couples said play separately was that they found themselves distracted with their partner making noise next to them.

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That is half the fun! Knowing Miguel is right there watching me, looking over at him. That is the biggest turn on. Seeing his face as he is enjoying himself. I am usually so caught up in what I am feeling during sex with him to enjoy this sight. I must confess that watching him enjoy himself has spurned many masturbation sessions for me and made it really easy to go from normal to completely turned on in order to test out various toys. (I have an awesome hobby) I just don’t think I could ever do this without him there. If my being turned on has ever driven Miguel to come sooner, well I think that is an even bigger turn on.

I have to admit that at first, in my early days of the lifestyle, I assumed that swinging separately was so sort of evolution of swinging. First comes voyeurism, then exhibitionism, then soft swap, then full swap, then playing separately. In that order. After meeting and talking to literally hundreds of swinger couples, I have found that this is not correct thinking. A lot of happy swingers find themselves very content at various levels and have no desire to move on to the “next” level. There is nothing wrong with this. People may assume that all swingers are like this, or that all swingers do that. The truth is that we are all similar in that we like sex, and then really anything goes from there. Miguel and I found this to be absolutely true right away. That is exactly why we have our hard limits and rules for swinging. Breaking any of our rules is not going to get us to the next level, it will get us fighting.

To be fair, I did notice that these couples did not start out swinging. The few couples we met that played separately had one thing in common…they all were an established couple for at least a few years (if not a decade+) before they decided to explore the lifestyle. We have never met a couple completely new to swinging that played separately. (other than a few that were actually in a poly relationship, but that doesn’t count) Does relationship length before swinging determine if a couple will end up playing separately? I guess Miguel and I dodged a bullet by getting into the lifestyle right away, while we are still relatively young and new to each other. This actually beings to my mind “key parties” of the 70′s that hosted to older couples. Ewwe! That is not for us.

Resolutions

New Years Eve

Today is the last day of the year. New Years fills me with optimism. I found a really cool list on Rebecca Ammon’s site. She lists some Swinger New Year Resolutions. These are great tips for successful swinging. Which reminds me that this is a great time to be updating my sexual bucket list. The first thing on that list from last year were gender-bending fantasies. Most of the guys we met that were into gender-bending were also really looking for a mistress to discipline them. So that is still on my list. We did have lots of sex in the car and even once on side of the road last year, so I can knock those off the bucket list. There are still some things I would love to do.

I always make a few resolutions for New Years. Last year my resolutions read more like a list of things to do. I think having a list of goals is important. I read something a few years ago about using the number 3 and setting immediate, short term, and long term goals. Basically I set goals for 3 weeks, 3 months, and 3 years away from now. I have found just writing things down put the ball in motion for me. I didn’t do everything on my list. I did manage to knock some big to-dos off the list. (Including filing for my divorce and getting a new car!) Reflecting back on this past year and knowing some of the big things actually did get marked off gives me hope that this year will be even better and more productive.

We are going out tonight to the club. New Years Eve and Halloween are probably the biggest party days for us. Most swingers love a packed party. The club will be packed tonight. Last year the club was crazy on New Years Eve. This year they are allowing people to sleep over. This will be great since driving home new years eve is one of the main deterrents for people, not wanting to drink and then drive home. We aren’t getting out as often these days, so I am really looking forward to tonight.

I wish you all a safe and sexy New Years Eve!

Excuse me

Mind Vomit

I know I have been only posting sporadically lately. I feel very far away from my site at the moment.

I started my new job. The great news is that it doesn’t suck. It isn’t overwhelming. I am putting my learned skills to use and that feels really good. I find myself not watching the clock at work. I can’t really express here with words how fucking good it is to have a job that doesn’t insult my intelligence or my integrity. I feel really lucky. I know I may not feel this way next year, or next month even. In this economy getting this job was such a blessing. To think that just a few months ago I considered leaving my career due to lack of opportunities. I know that spell of hard times has made me really appreciating how things are going now. Strange to feel this way.

I got my other big wish two weeks ago and my babysitter moved out. The details are complicated. It needed to happen. I felt suffocated in my own home. I have a big empty room now. I also have no adult to leave home with my kids. I didn’t really think that would be a big deal. The older kids are legally old enough, but it makes me uncomfortable. Fucking hindsight is always 20/20! So we will be going out less. Really trying to make each night out count.

We did get out last Saturday night. We chatted with a couple we see there often. The man seemed a bit mad. I prodded, cuz that is what I do, and he shared that he was frustrated with going out and not hooking up. He expressed frustration about the distance, the cover charge, the cost of drinks. All of that, and not even a glimmer of hope that there would be a hook-up.

I bit my tongue.

The truth is that I have heard these same complaints from Miguel before. I agree that there is always a bit of pressure to make a hook-up happen when you go out. It just seems like a pointless expense without it, but… sometimes I just want to go out. I sometimes don’t want a hook-up. I am still milling this over. I could totally understand his frustration. I see both sides of this argument. But I have to admit that we didn’t hook-up with anyone at this party.

We met a lot of nice people. We even met a poly/TPE/swinger couple. So rare at a swinger club. We talked about how fetish and swinger don’t mix so well. They could if they had an understanding of the ground rules, but people are stupid. Each side has views on the other and generally, they just don’t mix well. It is ridiculous that swingers or fetish folk might be judgmental of anyone, but I have witnessed it. Once I really opened myself up to being sex positive, there is no going back. I am committed to keeping an open mind and hopefully we will be checking out some of the recommended venues coming up in the coming year. I don’t care what people think, this is my life and I don’t want to miss a thing.

So that is my mind vomit of the moment. The other thing really on my mind is the tragedy that happened last Friday. I don’t really want to talk about it, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I know a lot of people, like me, are still in shock. That something like that could even happen. I am heartbroken. I keep thinking about it. I guess it really hit home that this is the world we live in. I don’t really know what else to say about it that hasn’t been said already. I am trying to not waste today.

 

Saturday Night Done Right -Part 2

Eyz Wide Shut

It was still pretty early in the night. We left their house around 9:30 and picked up a cake before heading out to the club. We arrived at the club in almost record time. The owner of the club took care of the cake when we walked in. The place was packed, everyone was enjoying the music and drinks. I was a bit overdressed for a night out, wearing jeans and a black tight shirt. Normally I wear a bit less. This did not go unnoticed, and more than a few couples commented on my attire. I gotta say that I was much more comfortable then usual. Being more comfortable I wasted no time getting my drink on before spending half the night dancing my ass off.

The club had a contest going on. They handed out 20 fake bills at the door to everyone upon entrance. They said to give them to the ladies. The contest made me extra motivated to make friends with everyone that I thought might have some money left to give me. I had collected a lot of paper money. Most of it from strangers. When it came time to see who the winner was a few couples came up at the last moment and added their money to my stack. I was delighted to find out that these folks recognized me from my website. I am not normally so damn social at the club. Saturday night was a perfect mix of loosing my inhibitions due to alcohol, celebrating good times, and really enjoying good company. I ended up placing 3rd and winning a cute butt plug which I promptly gave away to someone who said they recognized me from my website. The other winners were one of the birthday girls and a sexy blond who was also dancing her ass of that night.

At some point, I was outside with a bunch of people. Some one handed me a microphone. (Please don’t ever give a drunk gemini a microphone) It wasn’t on (thank god!) but we all enjoyed some “You lost that lovin feeling” karaoke impromptu style. Yes folks, it was that kind of a night. Drinking and debauchery, embarrassing crooning out of tune. I was totally that kind of girl on Saturday night!

The club was celebrating it’s 3rd anniversary. Every year on this night they pick a new Mr & Mrs Eyz Wide Shut. The couple that wins gets free membership for a year. This year they gave chips out to the regulars and then they let the audience decide who should win. We received a chip, but we didn’t win. It felt nice to be nominated. I really had a great time at the club. I am really looking forward to the New Years Eve party there. Last year it was crazy fun! Hopefully I will not be working that night. Next weekend is swinger speed dating with Rebecca Ammon.

So we drank, danced and flirted throughout the night. When it came time for us to go next door, we choose to play in the big hedo room. The room was packed and I literally had to move people over so we could have a place to play. There were quite a few couples just watching. People may think that in an orgy room it is all no holds barred fucking going on. The club is not like that at all. People are very respectful and would only join in if they were invited. The hedo room is a great place to play if you like to be watched. There are beds all over the room. I grabbed some towels and made us a space. We both stripped down and I had Miguel sit back so I could suck his cock. It didn’t take me long to get him nice and hard due in part by the view he had of couples fucking all over the room. Miguel reciprocated by licking my pussy as I laid back on the bed. Miguel and I also put on a bit of a show. I was on top fucking him at first and then he stood at the edge of the bed and hammered his cock into me as I laid on my back. He came with a grunt into me. We were both completely spend after that. It was a very good fucking night.

I went and cleaned myself up for the second time that night before we left to make the drive home. Last Saturday was one of the best nights we had all year. It wasn’t just the sex. It was being with so many people who enjoy the lifestyle. We are really lucky to be enjoying a sexy swinger lifestyle.

Unicorn Concerns

Swinger Q & A

Hey Karen,

I have an “anonymous” question I”m hoping you can help me with.
I’m single and keep wanting to go to the local on-site club. I’ve only been there a couple of times and it was with a partner. When we were there I only met one woman who was there by herself and she was a regular who recently became single.

What do you guys think about me going by myself? I don’t know anybody to go with and I really need…uh…need to get out. ;)

I think physical safety I would feel okay about because it’s “on site”, and I have no issues leaving doors open. Just wondering if you know any women who have gone to clubs by themselves. Any concerns or tips?

Thank You!

Karen Says:

I know a few single girls but they usually come to the club with ‘friends’. Do you have a profile on a swinger site? If the on-site club has a website, look to see if they have any “swinger site” affiliations. You could set up a profile and see if maybe you could talk to some folks before you go…make some friends ahead of time. If I were single, that is what I would do. SwingLifeStyle is a good site and they list parties at clubs that would be local to you. They usually have a guest list which allows you to see people who have signed up to go to local parties. SLS is free to join and it might be safe way to see who might be there. Maybe even a way to “meet” people before you go.

I would think this would be the safest way. Meeting people online is fun but I would caution against putting too many pics online for people. I have found lots of folks on sites that just like to collect pictures. Be honest on your profile and state that you are looking to meet some new friends. Don’t feel pressured to hang out with only one couple at the club once you are there. Once people know you are there alone your “unicorn status”1 will make you very popular.

Miguel Says:

Sign on to as many adult dating sites you can find to make it easier to find someone to go to the clubs/club with you. Most good clubs have good rules and even security. You will be the proverbial “unicorn,” you will be very popular. You may even find another unicorn to go with. Have fun and leave anxiety at the door.

 

  1. A Unicorn is a single female in the swinger lifestyle, so rare she is almost a myth.

Performance Issues

worried-woman

We had an interesting weekend. We went to a party in Sarasota run by the great folks over at Florida’s Finest Couples. They throw parties once a month and they are always packed. This weekend was no exception, to the point where we were glad we got there early so we could find a place to park! I had a blast there talking to people and dancing. I don’t dance well, but I love to do it. I was super excited about this night because of a certain couple we met the week before.

The weird part about this night was how many couples we were suppose to be meeting there. We had a great table by the dance floor so were able to see a lot of people. We don’t make it down to Sarasota often, so this was a good chance to meet people we, (and by that I mean Miguel) have been talking to. Our table was crowded with people. We had a lot of couples talking to us: some because we talked to them, some recognized us from social profiles, and some where fans of my blog. It was fun but a bit overwhelming. We had a couple buy us shots and I got to dance with almost everyone. We don’t normally get so much attention, but I get super social after a few drinks and I might be the kind of person that invites all that attention. I even went off about it on twitter, (thank you after midnight twitter friends)! Anyways, there were a lot of people talking to us but….

I actually walked into the club with an agenda. I have cautioned against this so many times even here on my blog…please don’t try to live out some fantasy with strangers. I broke my own rule and it came back to bite me! We met a couple last weekend at Eyz that I really wanted to play with. We ended up leaving early last weekend and I was so hoping to get a chance this weekend with them. I have been thinking about them all week. I hoped they would show up, I hoped they would like us as much as we liked them. They showed up at the party and that was it for me. I made my choice and we were going home with them!

They are a very sexy couple. They were good hosts and we enjoyed some good conversation. We moved over to the bedroom and then…things went bad for me. There was nothing wrong with him at all, let me make that clear. I just had…issues. I just walked away feeling like I could have been so much better. I can’t recall ever feeling like this after a hook-up. I don’t even know if the guy would say it sucked, but I do. I had a bad night, and I didn’t even drink too much so I have no excuse. I think I built it up too much in my head. I kinda had this idea of what he would be like, and then it just wasn’t like that at all. I hate the feeling that this is the impression they are left with. Miguel and her seemed to hit it off well. She was very sexy and I focused on her for a bit. I tried to make it up, I am pretty sure I was able to get her off. Thank you shareable silicone toys. It just doesn’t make up for him and potentially ruining a good fuck. I wanted to call “do-over”, but that is not going to happen. This is a bad feeling. I told Miguel this must be how guys feel when they can’t perform, or when they cum too fast. This is a crappy feeling.

The good news is that I know where things went wrong and how I can avoid these issues in the future. I am truly humbled by this experience. I think this could have happened to anybody, and it is not the end of the world. I just think it is an odd thing for a woman to feel this way. I now understand, I fucking get how a woman can just totally ruin shit with performance issues. I hope I will remember this and be more fun next time. I hope I will be more understanding when a guy is having issues in the future.