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Why I sub

What I really need is a good spanking.

I won’t delve out all the reasons why this is necessary for me right now. It is so boring and monotonous, my reasoning. My life is wearing me down.

I will tell you what I think it will do for me…

I need order to the chaos in my head. I am sick of the demands of everything I loathe being in control of everything. I need the reins of control taken from me.

I need the white sharp pain right now. The bliss of space exploding over me as I get my punishment. This is what I really need. I feel I cannot truly relax until I get it. The pain allows me to refocus my energy. Being bound and helpless is a concrete thing I need to draw me back to center. I have never been so sure about something in my life. I need it. I need to be controlled and smacked. I need the pain. I need the pain from someone who dominates me in love and life. I need something I cannot get right now. I am aching for it.

Maybe all subs feel this way. I don’t sub full time, but it appeals to me. Maybe you, like me, have wondered what about pain would appeal to someone. Something about the feel of straps on my wrists and ankles, the tight stretch of submission that I must yield to. He is in control, this is exactly where I should be. The deliberation of holding still when I should, of submitting to him. I wore my collar this weekend, but it went unused. Sometimes I try to top from the bottom, but my attempts fail to get the desired results. I don’t need an audience. I only need him to see me take it.

The real truth about submission is that it allows me the freedom to choose to loose control. I need that. Now that I know how good it can be for me, I crave it. It isn’t always about sex, although it is a sexual act. That isn’t bad, just not entirely true for me. Submitting is sexual, but it is also something that can be enjoyed apart from sex. This is one of those times where sex could be part of it or not. I am a scattered mess and I need a spanking.

Missing Him

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I am missing my Miguel so much right now. Once a year he has to leave. This time seems more painful than I remember.

You know when they say that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I really hate that saying but it is so true. I can’t even remember why I fought with him the Sunday before he left. I was angry and he was trying to enjoy just being together. I regret so much about that day. Now I can only think of the wonderful things about him. All the things we enjoyed doing together. The way he smells. The largeness of his chest and the warmth that it gives me. How nice it feels when he strokes my hair. The chills I would get when he pulled my hair so tight.

I have been remembering with much detail a night we had when I was so angry with him. I can’t remember why I was so mad but I remember I turned away from him in bed. After a few minutes he reached out and grabbed a fist full of my hair and tugged it so tight. He let go for a second or two and then pulled it again. He kept pulling my hair and I got chills all over my body. I think I started to moan softly with want. My anger melted away and all I felt was a need for his sex. That night our sex was so good.

This man that knows me well enough to know that pulling my hair will make me forget my anger. Him I trust to please me above all others.

I found this picture that he took just recently. Wanting to put some our new toys to use, one night he pulled out the lube and asked me to put my legs up. He pulled out the camera and this is what he did…

See who else is playing at Molly Daily Kiss

Sinful Sunday

Toy Collection

I have never shared this on my blog, but my toy collection is a bit out of control. I have acquired quite a few toys since I started reviewing just 17 months ago. Some I have purchased myself, some I have won or were free gifts, most I was sent for review. I took some pictures and I plan on sharing them all here. You can click on any of the pics to see them bigger.

I actually had to go out and buy things to hold my toy collection. I am long past keeping them in a bedside drawer, but I do have some by my bedside. (Namely the lube and toy cleaners, I always have a towel nearby so I can wipe them down.)

Notice the Leaf Life toy just peaking out there? In case you are wondering what the hell is in that devine toy box, I took everything out so you can see.

 

Additionally, I went out and purchased totes with fabric drawers and stuffed them with toys. It is a bit difficult to locate things so I only keep them half full. In retrospect I should have purchased only the smaller drawers so I could see things a bit better. The toys get buried in these drawers sometimes. I use the storage pouch if the toy comes with one, so most the LELO toys are hidden in black satin pouches. I have to real careful about keeping materials segregated. I keep lower grade materials in zip lock bags so they don’t ruin the finish on my silicone favorites.

 

It gets worse… since there are toys I keep but haven’t used in a while. I keep my most loathe toys in a bag, but I have since outgrown the bag and some have spilled over into this drawer mixed in with some great toys. I have even managed to keep most of the packaging for the toys I don’t use. Why? I don’t really know why…

On top of my drawers I have a little hodgepodge of things I think are cute and random stuff I need to review. I also have this handy box over stuffed with warranties and instructions, Ya know…just in case I actually use something enough to break it and it needs a warranty or I need to consult the instructions for a toy? I guess I just wanted to keep everything in a place I could easily find it. I hope I never need to actually locate a warranty in this box…

 

 

Then there is my travel bag. This bag is full of stuff and is ready to go. I keep a lot of glass and silicone in this bag since it is easy to clean and body safe. I have lots of lube in this bag, some personal wipes, a few condoms, and (of course) my collar.

I have all the cords in a drawer. The drawer is a bit of a mess at this time so I didn’t take any photos of it. Showing off my collection would not even be complete without showing you my naughty book collection. Books needing review are all the way on the right. The one I am reading now is on my nightstand. (There are also quite a few on my kindle I have reviewed this past year.)

Somethings are missing here in these pics. Like the Fleshlight Miguel keeps under his nightstand, all the floggers and paddles we have hanging up, a few movies we have in a shoe box under the bed, and the toys I keep in the closet due to their size (like our liberator bonbon). I am not terribly organized by the look of these pics. I just wanted to share with you all some photos of my toy collection. I would love to hear about how you keep your collection.

Collage Play

I have wanted to participate in Toy With Me Tuesday since it’s inception. I finally got a little something to contribute.

Made entirely with my vibes and a bit of photo editing inside of a collage.

See who else is participating….

Toy with me Tuesday

For an audience of One

We went for a long drive last night to meet a single guy. I have been chatting with this guy for a few days now. Our schedules finally meshed and he gave my Miguel the directions to his home.

He was a good host, didn’t waste too much time with the chit-chat. He was aggressive and kissed me before I even thought about how to break the ice. He was an excellent kisser. He used lots of tongue without being sloppy. This guy had a really athletic build, lots of muscles. I would say he was ripped and I couldn’t wait to see him put that body to good use. He helped me out of my bra and shirt while we made out in his living room. He made me feel comfortable.

He directed us over to the bedroom and we both got undressed.  He directed me to lay back on the bed and planted his face in my pussy. Lot of tongue as he licked and sucked me. I twisted and turned into his face as he got me nice and wet. He wasn’t in a hurry and he took his time, reaching his hand up to squeeze my tits, moving my legs so he could get better access. He got up after about 15 minutes and he pulled a condom out to put on his cock. His cock was long and meaty. He twisted my leg over and he pulled my ass to the edge of the bed. He slid his cock across my slit to get it nice and wet before he impaled me with it.

He fucked me like a champion. I fucked him back as best I could. He was covered with sweat as he fucked me and then flipped me over and held my back down while pulling my hips up to meet his thrusts. I love being manhandled. My biggest turn on is a guy who takes charge in bed. I used my kegel muscles and squeezed his cock. He fucked me sideways and doggie style before taking a break for some water. He didn’t come yet at this point, and I wasn’t quite sure he would be able to continue. To my delight after a few minutes he manipulated me back onto the bed and buried his face again. This time he licked me from front to back with earnestness. I told him I really wanted to suck his cock. He stood up and presented his cock to my face. I sucked him until he was hard again. He slipped a condom on again and fucked me missionary. Miguel encouraged me to squeeze his cock and to make him cum. I did as I was told. He was really good the way he rubbed my clit while he fucked me. I was a sweaty shaking mess before he finally came with a groan.

Miguel asked if he could take some pictures and then he was clicking away the whole time we fucked. I can tell from the sheer amount of pictures that Miguel got, he thought it looked hot. Not too many guys could stand to just watch their women get fucked like I did last night. Miguel looked so happy for me, every time I looked over. He gave my hand a little squeeze or he pulled my hair the way he knows I like it. I was so into being fucked like that and having Miguel watch. I love being watched and making a good show for him. I really wanted him to join in and put his cock in my mouth.

I talked to my new friend today. We talked about setting up a remote camera next time and having Miguel do more than watch.

More Please

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Sinful Sunday is all about the image. These images take me right back to that moment…

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Sinful Sunday