Tag Archive for newbie

Breaking the Ice in the Lifestyle


Meeting new couples in the lifestyle can be a challenge. Most new couples find it hard to actually “hook-up” with others as they try to break into the swinger lifestyle. Most couples may try by placing an profile on a swinger site. I have written previously about the unwritten rules of creating a profile on swinger sites before and offered some suggestions. We have profiles on a lot of sites, (Kasidie, SwingLifeStyle, Swinger Date Club, and Adult Friend Finder just to name a few). Having your profile on more than one site should increase your odds but even having the best profile does not guarantee you success. You may still end up meeting picture collectors, and playing e-mail/text ping-pong with people who are not afraid of wasting your time.

I remember going to a club for the first time and feeling like breaking the ice was just too difficult. How do I find a reason to talk to someone I might want to hook-up with? Miguel and I are both pretty social and we have become pretty bold. At first we were wall flowers and didn’t talk to anyone. Why even go out? I wanted to play with people but didn’t know how to approach people. One of the best ways to meet new people is just to walk up to them and say hello. This approach won’t really work if everyone is already talking to another couple. There are cliques in some clubs and most regulars have friends they socialize with. Breaking into a conversation is just rude and we don’t do that. The more you go to a place the more you begin to recognize people. Once you have established that you want to play and your partner is in, how do you proceed? After a few nights out at any club, you can see who comes a lot. I am not suggesting you wait that long. So what do you do when you see a couple you want to hook-up with, just walk up and say hello? What if you or your partner is too shy for that? What if you are at a new club?

Most swinger clubs want people to have a great night. They want you to find what you are looking for, and hopefully make a friend. They know that you will probably come back if you do. Most swinger clubs have all kinds of games at their disposal, these could be great for a home party as well. We have played some ridiculous games and some really funny games. We struggled with shyness until we decided to start playing the games at clubs. Having been in the lifestyle for a few years now, I have noticed how much more social people can be after a few games. Playing games when you are new is almost always a good idea. Games are suppose to get people out of their shell and talking to each other. Some are better at that than others. One of my favorite “games” is the Speed Dating game. The idea is pretty simple. You go out and spend a few minutes talking to each couple until everyone has met each other. Most swingers are friendly social people, so this is genius. Imagine if you could meet a bunch of new people at a club! Participating in games increases the meeting new people which increases chances for success at swinging. If you get a chance at a club to play a game, I say go for it! You are likely to meet new people and maybe even win a prize for your night out.

Some tips for meeting new people:

  • Keep communication open with other couples by NOT sitting in the corner anymore. Move to a more approachable area.You are out to meet people, not just converse with your s/o!
  • Be yourself and keep it simple. Look for something complimentary to say if nothing else comes to you…this works almost anywhere, btw.
  • Talk about your experience, don’t be afraid to say if you don’t have any. “We have never been here before, is it usually this crowded/dark/loud/quiet?” is a great way to meet new people.
  • I am surprised at how often simply asking “Is this your first time here?” opens up the door for Miguel and I to talk to new people. Even if the answer is no, there is usually a story to go with it.
  • Be nice! Don’t talk about other people in a negative way. Swinger are a small community and you want to make a good impression.

After a few hook-ups breaking the ice will be easier, even the quietest couple can make new friends if they try. Don’t be afraid to talk to people, you have at least one common interest after all, right?

♥ Good news for people close to Tampa, FL…Rebecca Ammon is hosting a speed dating event at Eyz Wide Shut on September 1st. I hope to meet you there! ♥

Question About Sex Club Etiquette

Swinger Q & A

Hi Karen,

I came across your blog while researching Eyz Wide Shut. Since you are experienced in the lifestyle and frequent that club, I thought I’d ask your advice.

My wife and I are newbies to sex clubs and the swinging lifestyle, and are not particularly interested in having sex with others. But we are very much interested in watching other couples have sex, and very much interested in playing with each other while we watch those other couples.

I read in one of your posts that couples who do swing get particularly irritated when they invest time and energy in getting to know another couple only to find out in the end that other couple doesn’t want to swing. We certainly don’t want make that mistake and upset anyone.

I was wondering if you could advise us as to what the proper etiquette is when going into certain areas of Eyz Wide Shut? Are there rooms, for example, that if we enter we are expected to strip completely down and join in? Conversely, is there anywhere in the club we could go to play with each other without fully stripping and just watch others around us?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

Karen Says:

Do not feel intimated to go and check out the club. If you two just want to watch, there is no problem with that. There are no mandatory naked rooms at Eyz Wide Shut. This club is all about consensual sex, not forced. There are at least two rooms where you and your wife can go and watch, if there are others in the room, and there is never forced participation. If you two want to be watched you can play in the big rooms or they have private rooms that have curtains. You can close the door and leave the curtain open so others can watch, or close it for privacy.

I am sorry if I made it sound as if investing time getting to know a couple without a full swing would be a bad thing. It should all be about fun and what you are comfortable with. There are couples in the lifestyle that never fully swap, and that is fine. They are a “soft swap” couple, they like to watch, and be watched but not exchange partners. I have met some very happy couples and “parallel played” with them. When it comes down to it, it is all about what makes you two comfortable.

If you mention me (Karen Blue) at the door I would very much appreciate it. It won’t get you a discount or anything (or me for that matter), but it will show that my writing about the club helps, and that is always a good thing. Alot of people have views about how a sex club will be. I am happy to dispel any false rumors or expectations. It is a just a regular club, where some swingers like to go. The lodging there is as open or closed as you want. All the doors lock and only the people that work there can open them. If you get in a room and decide to play with someone, you have to let them in. No one can come in uninvited. Single men are not allowed in the big rooms with multiple couples unless they are escorted by a couple. Alternately, you can go and watch couples if they have their curtains open, without ever having to even be in the same room. It is like live porn.  I hope you decide to check out the club for yourself, and if you have anyone making you feel uncomfortable, please tell management. Pushy people are not very welcome there. I have never had problems there, and I obviously love the place.

Miguel Says:

Eyz Wide Shut has several rooms that are perfect for voyeurs. The biggest one is called “Lover’s Lane.” There is a video tour of this room as well as the rest of the club on the Eyz Wide Shut website. You can also get a tour from the staff if you get there before 11 pm. Some couples loved to be watched but make sure they don’t get any interruptions by just getting a private room and leaving the room’s curtain open. Some close the curtains and turn the lights brighter so you can see them through the curtain material.

If you see a couple you would like to watch in action just approach them and strike up a conversation. Just remember you are there to have fun…it’s a miss or hit situation. Even if you don’t get to see what you want, you are still going to get the best sex ever…the sex between your lover and you!

Monday Night Date

So much got fucked up this weekend I don’t really even want to think about it. Basically what happened was….well, I am a woman and sometimes I go a little psycho. Usually I find good outlets for my rage and craziness but Miguel took the brunt of it this weekend. So Saturday night, although we did have some fun, ended on a really bad note. Then Sunday was awkward. Just because I recognize that things are my fault doesn’t mean I can admit that right away. I am so glad I have Miguel. He hugged me at some point on Sunday after a vicious silent storm. He just gets me. I was able to forgive myself for crazy and then ask him to do the same.

By Monday morning we were completely back to normal, as far as I can tell. Yesterday Miguel text me and said I needed to figure out what to wear since we were going out. He assured me that this was a date with a newbie couple, with no plans for more than vanilla fun. We had a totally relaxed evening then we went out to The Castle in downtown Ybor City. We checked the website and they were opening up at 9pm on a Monday night. Who the hell goes out on a Monday? I guess we do now. Anyways, we got there after 9 and the club was still not open. The people there said they don’t open until 10:30. Who the hell is out that late on a Monday? We almost left right then, but I was kinda hungry so we walked around in search of a place to eat. While walking around we ran into the couple we were suppose to be meeting. So, we had a beer and chatted a bit. They were very nice and super sexy.. we then decided to stay out a little bit longer.

I would love to go on and on about this couple, but I won’t. They are new newbies and I feel disclosing thoughts or bits of our conversation will betray their trust. I really like this couple. I will tell you that Miguel and I enjoyed their company. They are fun and spontaneous. We are suppose to be meeting them again this week. I am looking forward to it. Since they are so new, it is like having vanilla friends again. I can focus on Miguel and just have fun. I know swinging is suppose to be like that. Sometimes it is not, though. More often than not, we meet a couple and there is bit of pressure to make the hook-up. I know sometimes it can drag out and the focus really should be on sex for a hook-up. I guess I have been missing vanilla dates. That is not to say that I would not consider this couple…I have considered it. I just think it was great that it didn’t have to happen last night.

Oh God, there is no one here to stop me when I go on and on like that sorry.

It was 80′s night at The Castle. I am definitely more of a 90′s girl but they kept the music really fun. There were alot of people there for a Monday night. We danced to The Cure and Devo and Culture Club and all kinds of other 80′s music…how embarrassing! The crowd was a mix of young and old freaks dancing to one-hit wonders and cult classics. It was fun, as hard to admit as that is. At least now I know there are places to go for fun on a Monday night.

We left around 12:30, I was still really hungry so I tore up some taco bell when we got home, (I <3 nacho bell grande when I have had a bit to drink!). Then we had some awesome sex. I have been needing to review a new cock ring so I poured some lube on my hand and manipulated Miguel’s cock till it was nice and hard. I stretched the cock ring out a bit and slid it onto him. It was too late at this point to maneuver it around his balls so he wore it just like that. I turned both the vibes on and he rolled me over so he could fuck me. Let me just say that the cock ring rocked, Miguel fucked me good with it buzzing away. I can’t wait to use it again. I did a full review on it today with the song Fascination Street by The Cure playing over and over in my memory. The four hours of sleep was a small price to pay for such a great night.

Until next time Lovelies, keep it sexy!

Assholes and Anal Sex

Miguel put out an ad for something to do on Thursday. After weeding out all the undesirables and fakes he found a cute couple to meet at a local club for Friday night. The club we went to meet them at is literally right down the street. It is a local vanilla club. I didn’t even know they had clubs downtown St.Pete but there was one right across the street as well. We don’t go out to vanilla clubs normally. Being a swinger, I have a different mindset. I see a bunch of single females and think about unicorns. I see a sexy couple and wonder what their bedroom play is like. Do-able, what a sexy crowd, I wish swinger clubs had options like this every night! I am over friendly in a vanilla crowd. Miguel and I are too touchy-feely and it makes others uncomfortable. Yes, I am telling him about how much I want his cock when I whisper in his ear. Yes, he did just slide his hand up my dress to slide a finger in. This kind of behavior could get us into trouble in a vanilla setting. Once in a while we meet newbies and we venture back to vanilla settings. Last night was a rare occasion for us.

The club was suppose to open at 8, so we got there a bit after 9. I was wearing a little black dress and my fishnet thigh highs….and nothing else. I hate panty lines, Lovelies. I was almost under-dressed for the weather since it was so windy last night, but I figured we would be inside most of the night. I brought my MiMi just for the short ride home. I swear I never leave the house without this thing, thank God too because it really came in handy. We parked really close and found the club was not even open yet. The doors were open but they weren’t letting anyone in yet. It was pretty fucking lame when they asked us to form a line…the two of us ….while they got the place set up. We stood out there in the windy air for about 15 minutes. It was well after 9, we almost got in a fight about it. Then we finally agreed on waiting in the car till it opened. We probably should have just went home, but hindsight is always 20/20.

In the car I decided to use my time playing with Miguel. I made him pull his cock out so I could suck it. There we were right on the street and I am giving him a blow job as people walk past us. After a few minutes, I was ready for MiMi and gave myself an awesome orgasm rubbing it on my clit. We decided to go and see if the club was open yet after that, and it was. We were like the first people there, but they had a great drink deal so I was optimistic that it would pick up shortly. The club had a really great layout and two floors of entertainment. The DJ flat out sucked though. The couple we were suppose to be meeting text Miguel they would be there shortly, or and by the way…..”She is really shy, make it look like we just met.”


~Sigh~ Guys, please don’t do this! You are not going to “trick” your chick into swinging! She is smarter than that, hopefully. We had already paid to get in the club and so we were kinda stuck meeting this couple. I was a little more than irritated. Just on principle I would not fuck this asshole. His chick was kinda hot. I did meet her, and no, I didn’t spoil his trick. She confessed to me during the conversation that he “surprised” her by taking her to Eyz Wide Shut Halloween weekend. She was not into it. He was like an overeager kid, trying to egg-on the conversation and the sexy dancing. No wonder she wasn’t down!

After many rum and cokes Miguel and I slid out of the club. I was pretty lit, but not too drunk to fuck. As soon as we got in the car I pulled Miguel’s cock out and sucked it back to life. I alternated deep throating his cock, sucking hard on his cock head and stroking it while I fingered myself. The trip home took no time at all. As soon as we got inside we both stripped off our clothes. Miguel said he wanted to fuck my ass so he pulled out a few toys and got it ready for his cock. He got it nice and stretched out then lubed up his cock….and them impaled my ass with his cock. He fucked it hard and deep. I was laying flat on my stomach and he fucked my ass good. I came so hard with his cock fucking my ass. I am getting wet just thinking about it now. What a hot fuck! That was better than anything that couple could have delivered.

Tonight is the anniversary party at Eyz Wide Shut. I am so excited since we will be staying over in their deluxe lodging tonight. All the regulars there were invited to stay over. The after party is going to get steamy, I just know it! Also, it is a sexy swinger friends birthday tonight. Which reminds me, I have to get a gift. Yes, It will probably be a sex toy. What else would you expect me to give her?

Until next time Lovelies, keep it sexy!

Newbie Play

Eyz Wide Shut

Saturday was Eyz Wide Shut night. I do not usually pursue couples at the club. I found some friends and settled in to what I though would be a nice repeat of swaps past. A very sexy female is having a birthday next Saturday and we mused about how fun and hot it would be to make a video. The couple is getting a hotel next Saturday near Eyz so it should be a whole lotta fun!

Anyways, I was sure our hook-up would be with them. Then a very sexy couple walked in. I got a bit bold and approached them. I was very interested in the guy, she was very hot as well. I am not as suave as Miguel. My approach is basically this; “Hey, we think you are hot! Here’s our card. No pressure, but I wanna play with you both. Contact us if you are interested.” Don’t tell me how bad this sounds, I already know. I am not the social butterfly when a hook-up is on the line. Turns out they were brand spanking new, or at least she was, to swinging. Mmm, newbie couple! I literally gave them our card, and told them I hoped they had a good night. It is amazing that this approach produced anything at all

I tried to blow it off. I probably just blew it with them. We danced and drank and socialized with all the regulars. I looked over about an hour later and they were sitting with another couple. This produced a bit of lecture from Miguel about how I need to follow-through a bit more. “Ya, ya I know Babe. I see that now.” Damn it! Oh well! I was still standing next to the sexiest man in the room, I was going to get laid regardless.

We headed over to play, just the two of us. We really haven’t been having as much sex at home, so our sex at the club was so fucking hot. Miguel tried to stop short of cuming, pulled out and everything. “Let’s go back and have some more fun.” “Ya, okay. I just want to cum one more time. Could you rub my clit, Oh yeah! Just like that!” I wanted to taste him so bad, he wouldn’t let me suck his cock. He knew he would explode in my mouth, that I would not stop. I gave him a hand job as he dittled my clit to multiple orgasms. “Please let me taste it. I want you to cum all over me.” He came with a few grunts, standing next to me his cum landed all over my torso. His hand was slick with my cum, as well. It was kind of early, but we had some awesome play time. We headed back to the club to get something to eat. We ended up there for almost an hour. We were pretty spent.

Then the newbie couple approached us. “We want to take you up on your offer.” Oh shit! I looked over at Miguel, but we were already walking over to the other side. I was happy that they felt comfortable enough to approach us. Another round of play, hell yes! Round two actually didn’t go so smoothly. I did make him cum, which kinda pissed her off since when they came over to play earlier he couldn’t cum with her. He didn’t get me off with the sex and he knew it. I think it was the whole pressure of the situation, he had a hard time getting it back up for another round. He had a hard time getting it up the first time, too. Never mind that Miguel had similar problems, this guy was younger than Miguel. Much younger. I only will exert so much into trying to get a guy hard before I just give up. He was pretty determined but I was done. He was pretty embarrassed about it. I kept telling him that it was okay. That there was alot of pressure in the room. He was such a good kisser. I could have spent all night with his mouth. The fact that a dick was part of the package was just a bonus. She was very hot. Despite her saying she had no desire to be with a woman, she had an eager mouth. Her hands explored my body freely. I did not press her for more, I just let it happen. She definitely would have allowed more, but I really wanted her to have control with this first swap. Come to find out she was only 22! I wish I had been so bold at that age.

They have our card. Maybe we will get a chance for a re-match with this sexy duo. I wish Miguel would have been able to rock her more. I would have loved to see that. We watched them for a bit, but performance issues got in the way. Blame it on the condom, the location, the instability of the relationship (they seemed to not know if they were a “couple” or not), the stranger factor, the alcohol, or the fact that another man was in the room. There are so many reasons why he might not have been able to get it up. I will not hold it against him. I think he had too much else to offer and I would welcome another chance to let him rock me. I know he could.

Until next time Lovelies, keep it sexy!

Shopping for Sexual Fun

A letter from a reader.

My wife and I are just starting out in the lifestyle and we have really enjoyed reading your stories!  I really appreciate the pictures that accompany your words as well.  Miguel sounds like an amazing guy and I can only hope to be as good to my lady as he is to you.  I’m curious to hear how he goes about weeding out online people for the two of you to meet? I’ve taken on that role and so far we’ve met two couples that have been great, but not really moved beyond that point.  How does he help move from point A to point B?


Miguel Says:

Searching for FWB’s online is always going to be a hit or miss situation. You have to maximize the pool you have to choose from. We are active on at least 5 swinger websites. You should keep profiles on your sites updated as much as possible. We also check listings and put ads up on Craigslist from time to time. If you are the “shopper” in the relationship, you have to be very patient. You need a general idea of what physical attributes attract your partner. It’s going to help you narrow your search. No matter how selective and careful you might be, you will find picture collectors, males passing off as females, males passing off as couples, spammers, cheating males, people with outdated pictures, prostitutes, strippers trying to get you to meet where they work so they can fleece you, and even cheating females. You will also encounter people that want to swing but don’t have the time or opportunity, extremely picky people, swinger pen-pals, paranoid about privacy people, pushy people, people that want to meet “right fucking now,” and people that are just not ready to enjoy the lifestyle drama-free. We prefer to meet people in a public setting. During the week we meet them in a “vanilla” setting, but on weekends we meet them at one of our favorite swinger’s clubs. The latter so if we don’t totally click, the night is not lost. You should be upfront and honest of your expectations for your first meeting. Be yourselves and stick to your rules. Make sure the couple or person you meet know your rules. Normally this is brought up during the awkward chat before you all get frisky. Make sure you are clear on their rules. There is a lot I can say about this, but nothing can prepare you like trial and error.

Karen Says:

Wow these are great questions! I’m gonna address the second part of your question, since I actually have more of an idea about that. Alcohol? Um, not really sure. The scene is just as important as the players mood. Are you in the bar? Take it to the house. If you are at the house, move it to the bedroom. Let the couple know you are interested somehow. Tell them point blank that you are both interested in taking it further. Once you move it to the location do not chatter on about things, put the focus on what you came there for. Once it shifts to the bedroom, clothes should be coming off. You are there and have met their approval, just do what you would do at home to her. I am a bit bold but even still sometimes it takes an hour or two of cutting the ice to get there. It could start with a kiss. Talk about your fantasies and things you have done together.

I have cut the ice by showing off some toys before. A pool or hot tub is good for getting clothes off also. It really depends. If you are the newbies and they are more experienced, make sure to tell them. Hey, don’t be afraid to mention that you are scared to make the first move. Some people make take your shyness for disinterest. Look for a couple with experienced in the lifestyle and tell them you need someone to help you “pop your newbie cherry”. We have met plenty of newbie couples and been their first swap. We always try to make couples feel comfortable and go over boundaries. Since our first experience got so out of hand, we don’t want to scare anyone out of living their fantasy (even if it is only for the night). Sometimes Miguel will get bold and start rubbing my leg, tit, or labia to get me to make the first move. This is usually just the push I need. Miguel will get me excited and then the focus is on sex, so I feel less self-conscious about laying a kiss on a girl (or guy for that matter). Sometimes I will just get close to her, and let her know how beautiful I think she is. Women have to feel like they are desired, I know! I have no problem telling a women what she wants to hear so she will feel sexy.


I hope some of this helps! Good luck in your search and keep it sexy!