Archive for realtionships

Loose Ends in the Lifestyle

Eyz Wide Shut

Last night we went out to the club. Due to a series of unfortunate events I will be working the next few weekends. Working weekends=no Saturday night out fun. Bummer, I know! I was promised this is just temporary. Don’t even get me started about what happened. Let’s just say I like my job a lot less these days. Moving on…

So we go out to the club last night, Thursday night. I had very low expectations for the crowd and I was right. The crowd was really small but surprisingly we met some new people and had a few established friends in the crowd. When we first got there Miguel headed straight to the bar to get us some drinks. I went to harass the DJ and when I met up with him I was mauled by a familiar female. This girl is never that touchy so right away I knew something was rotten in Denmark. As soon as she spoke I heard the slur and smelled the alcohol. This chic was wasted. Not only that, but her eyes were puffy meaning she had been crying. This was a complete surprise. I have seen people get drunk at the club, hell even I have gotten a bit sloppy drunk, but this was waaaaasssted drunk.

Miguel and I tried to be polite. “Ooh my, what happened?” But I really shouldn’t have asked. It was a bad break-up. Hey! We have all been there, right? I have been that chic, but I don’t have to like seeing it. Painful to watch, really. The worst part was that in the middle of everything she invited us to a party she is hosting tonight. We couldn’t go even if we wanted to. I am sure today will be another drunk, crying party delaying the inevitable sober reality check. Fuck! I have so been there and it totally sucks, but there is a time and a place for that kind of drama. It is not at the club on my night out. Gah! Anyways, she verified she had my correct phone number. Then at like 1:30 am, we were at home and just about asleep, my phone rings. It was her and I let it go to voice-mail. WTF could motivate someone to call at that time and at that stage of drunken night out? I already know because, well, let’s just say I have family like that. Nothing good comes of those phone calls. I loose my cool and usually just end up telling them to go ahead and slit their wrists so I can get some fucking sleep. (I am not going to be getting any prizes for patience anytime soon, but I just have no room in my head for anyone’s pity party, grow the fuck up!)

It is almost a joke when we go out to the club. People that know me, know about my blog. They always joke about stuff that is “blog-worthy”. Some people are sure I am going to run home and type up a report of their stuff, and some really hope I do. Not that I am even anything major, but I put it out there on the net for anyone with a computer to see. I am discreet to a point, I never blast anyone’s name. I am even careful about describing people, lest everyone who follows me be able to connect the dots. I kiss and tell, and I tell I tell. That being said, my blog is mine. If you want me to write nice things about you, then just behave better.

This morning I check my messages and I am hoping that call was not intentional and more like a butt-dial. It was just a bit ridiculous.

Now that I have that off my plate, let me tell you about something cool that happened last night. A chic we have seen there a few times, a Unicorn, answered a few questions for me. I am always curious about the motivations of a Unicorn. (BTW a Unicorn is a single female in the “lifestyle”, they are so rare they are almost a myth) We have had three types of unicorns and none of them were that great. One Unicorn was really only interested in me, another was only interested in Miguel, and the other wanted us to be exclusively with her. So I had to ask her what being a unicorn is like. This chic is living the life, I’m telling you. If Miguel ever dies, (cause ya, he will have to be dead to be rid of me) I am gonna become a Unicorn. She said whenever she is not in a relationship, she swings. Inside of a relationship, she is exclusive. I asked her about jealousy and she said that she doesn’t get exclusive with couples, she doesn’t want the baggage. She also said that she gets to know the couple for a while before she plays with them. Her playmates are her good friends. That is an excellent policy. She just cuts ties with people that want her all to themselves. I am very curious about a person that controls themselves like that. I bet she is enjoying the best of both by keeping them separate. But I wonder….if she had to choose either swinger or exclusivity, which would it be? Swinging for a Unicorn is different. I have even seen single males who have been playing for years, drop completely out of the lifestyle for the right woman. I don’t think, well, I actually don’t ever want to find out. Being part of a couple in the lifestyle is hard and requires work, but I think I would prefer it to any other set up.

Haters and Perverts

I have to talk about something that recently happened to me on twitter.

I was approached by a sex therapist in another state, he asked me “Why are you a swinger?”.

I responded to him, “Why not?”

He replied, “Just curious about why you choose this lifestyle.”

I then retorted, “I am very comfortable. This is a choice we made definitely not for everyone.”

He then went on to tell me he had just had a client come out of the lifestyle. I point blank asked him if he thought I was some sort of pervert for being a swinger. The conversation ended after that.

I probably shouldn’t have even engaged in this conversation, but it got me thinking. How many sex therapists there actually support this lifestyle choice? How many would not cast judgement and consider this some sort of deviant behavior? I guess it is right up there with kinky BDSM, (which we practice) and total-power-exchange, maybe it is even as odd or misfitting as a poly-amorous relationship! Heaven forbid, a relationship not fit some sort of society “norm”. Now I am a pervert! Well maybe I am but judging is wrong! My point here is that all of the people I know who do engage in these types of relationships feel they are closely related. They are not things to be compared or categorized, they are all forms of sex positive relationships.

I am not gonna sit here and say that this lifestyle works for everyone. It doesn’t. He asked me about jealousy and other things. I will tell you that I know plenty of couples that have been married for years that enjoy openness and trust enough to make it alternative sexuality work. I told him as much, what I should have said was “These kinds of relationships require trust and firm foundations, maybe that is why they last so long.” Is this something I see myself doing in 20 years, probably not, or who knows? I guess I’ll quit this lifestyle when it no longer suits my needs, as an individual, and our needs as a couple.

There has been plenty of talk on the net lately, or maybe I am just more aware of it now, that says that open relationships are becoming “normal”. The fact that we have a poly trio next door may not be that far away from normal. I am all for this sexual openness. We try as parents to teach tolerance. In being tolerant we are open to ideas about sexuality not explored by our parents and grandparents. Society is making us more open. I don’t have to venture too far to find a BDSM community. They may not be in the majority just yet, but just look they are everywhere. I envision a future with BDSM communities right next to LGBT communities. We are all looking for a place that makes us feel normal,with people just like ourselves.

The wonderful thing I am also beginning to see is that the internet is opening our eyes to ways we an support each other. Be it Fetlife or SwingLifeStyle we are finding ways to connect. We are also finding ways to advocate for each other too. Through sites like NCFS and NAASAS we are finding ways to get involved and help people victimized by sexual openness.

My point in all of this, is just a defense against the ignorance I might encounter by being open with my lifestyle. I hate all the haters, but I also realize the only way to enlighten them is to not be ashamed of my lifestyle. This is a choice I made, I hope you are happy with the choices you made and appreciate the ability to make those choices for yourself.

A Great Fuck

Eyz Wide Shut

I got a new job! I am so elated to have found a job I like and pays well. It will be nice to have some of our money stress removed. We went out last night. First we went to a place so lame I won’t even bother to mention the name here. We had one drink at this club. It wasn’t really a club, though, more of a bar that is suppose to be swinger friendly. There were some swingers there but it was a rinky-dink bar and the people were not typical friendly swingers….plus the drinks were too expensive. We each had one $4 beer, opting not to have the $6 rum runner “special”. What the fuck is so special about a $6 drink? We had one drink each and high-tailed it outta there! We went to Eyz Wide Shut since we were kind of in the neighborhood.

We had a great night at Eyz even though it was a little bit slow. We are a bit spoiled by Eyz, we have high standards for a club I guess. Fridays are not as busy as Saturday night there, but we met some sexy new people. Things are a little weird right now, for me, we didn’t hook-up with anyone. I don’t know what to say about it, really. I think maybe stress and not really spending quality time together lately. It seems like we do but, eh…I always feel so scattered. Who cares about all that shit? I just need to get my mind back in the game and focus.

We go out to clubs to meet new people, and that is exactly what we did last night. It was fun! Then we went to the lodging side and put on a show in Lovers Lane. God! Miguel is such a good lover, I am wet just thinking about last night. All this week really since Sunday night the sex has been incredible. We used toys all week, but last night, we didn’t need any toys. First I had Miguel lay down on one of the beds, I pulled up a cushion for my knees and sucked his cock. There were about 5 other couples in the room. I know most of them were enjoying the show. I love to suck his cock, it takes everything in me to stop when he asks me to, so he doesn’t cum in my mouth. I licked his shaft and sucked his balls before engulfing the head in my mouth. I like to suck just the head and use my hands on the shaft. I stopped when he asked me to this time and he had me lay back so he could lick me.

I was so wet from sucking him, I am sure he got a mouth full of my juice. Miguel sucks and moans on my clit, the vibrations are amazing. Then he starts to finger fuck me while he sucks my clit at the same time. Miguel knows right where to thrust to hit my g-spot. The combinations of sensations had me writhing and grinding my snatch into his face. He had at least three fingers going furiously fast, fucking my g-spot while he flicked my clit with his tongue. I lost all sense of where we were and I closed my eyes. When I opened them I saw people watching and walking back and forth to get a better view. Then Miguel stopped and crawled up to put his cock in my mouth, his hand still working my pussy. A few seconds later and he re-positioned himself to fuck me missionary style.

His cock slid right in and he held me real close using my body for leverage. I tried to match his tempo fucking back as best I could. Every stroke made a wet sound, sounding sex as hell. Miguel wanted to fuck me doggy style, so he had me turn around for him. The height of the bed was just right for him. Our bed at home is too soft, but this bed was nice and firm and perfect for me on my hands and knees. I am sure he was thinking he would be able to watch us fuck in a mirror, there are usually mirrors everywhere, but there wasn’t one where we needed it. He fucked me doggy style and alternated between fast strokes and slow. On the slow strokes he pulled out almost all the way and commented on how fucking hot it looked to see his cock enveloped in my pussy. On the slow strokes he almost stopped a few times, but I pushed back and made him continue. He smacked my ass a few times, only making me hotter for the fuck he was giving me. I sat up and turned to him and he kissed me alot while he fucked me. He would then push me forward and grab my hair, it was an incredible fuck. I sure wish I could have watched it. He flipped me over again and fucked me missionary. A few times he sat straight up and worked my clit with his hands while he hammered his cock in me. I came over and over again as he did this. Miguel stopped just short of cumming and I was shaking as I tried to get dressed.

We went back to the club and ate. I had to have a smoke after a fuck like that. Miguel wanted to chat a bit more before finishing our fuck, so we sat outside and made small talk with some people we know. We ended up back at the lodging side about 30 mins later. We got a private room this time. Miguel had me lay down so he could suck my clit and finger fuck me again. I had my eyes closed at first but when I opened them I had the perfect view of him eating me out in the ceiling mirror. I came a few more times in his mouth and then Miguel put his cock into me. I came a few more times as Miguel fucked me missionary style. The second time didn’t last quite as long, but it was still incredible.

I don’t understand how sex keeps getting better between us, but here we are having even better sex almost every time. I am so in love and lust with Miguel it is no wonder jealousy rears it’s ugly head once in a while. I would be crazy to not have any fear of losing him.

Sex and the Game Changer

I am almost sad it is Sunday already, but I am really looking forward to get to sleep at a decent hour tonight. We had a fun filled weekend but I am so exhausted now. I need a few days of to recover. Friday I started a new job. I am pretty exited about it. Friday night Miguel and I went out with the Hey Jealousy couple again. We started out bowling, then we played some pool at the bowling bar….then we went to their house.

I was so turned on, feeling really good from all the alcohol, and I sucked Miguel off in the car as we drove to their house. When we got inside the girl went right to the kitchen to make some drinks. I took my coat off and met her in the middle of her kitchen. I kissed her all over and slowly helped her out of clothes. I wanted to taste her. I got on my knees and licked and sucked her clit while the guys watched. Her breasts were so fucking perfect I wanted to devour them. This girl is no stick figure, she is perfectly proportioned. All curves and soft, I loved her body. She has a nice all over tan and long blond hair. If I had a type she would be it. It is really no wonder her fucking Miguel evokes feelings of jealousy for me. I want to be Miguel fucking this girl.

We moved over to bedroom and the guys got into the action. This time I didn’t bring any toys, I wanted so bad to make her get off. I had her lay on the bed on her back and I licked her slit. I finger fucked her and rubbed her clit. Then I moved over so Miguel could take over. Her man licked me and finger fucked me to orgasm. I was so done with foreplay at this point and I told the guy to put the condom on so her could fuck me. I was ready for cock. He put the condom on and I told him to fuck me good. I was on my back when he got it in. His style is different from Miguel, he took his time with slow strokes in and out then¬† speeding up for a minute and back to slow strokes. I know he was trying to redeem himself from last time, but I just wanted a good hard fuck. When he tired out he asked me to get on top. I got right up and sat on his face. I was so fucking hot I fucked his face with Miguel and the girl fucking right next to me. I rubbed my wet pussy all over his face until I was almost there. Then I straddled his cock and fucked him with no mercy. I got his cock and I milked it with my pussy. I came so good, then he came too. Miguel and the girl fucked for a few more minutes and then it seemed that we were alll done. I grabbed my clothes and went to the bathroom to get dressed.

The guy got dressed as well and we went outside so I could have a smoke. I assumed that Miguel and the girl were dressed and making small talk. I felt an urgency to hurry up with the cigarette so we could get back inside. When the guy and I walked in, we found Miguel laying back on the couch and her sucking him off. I walked over and grabbed my coat. I was fully dressed and for me the play part was over. I am still fuming over this. Later Miguel explained that she didn’t want to have him leave without him cumming…again. So like me, she feels that if the guy doesn’t cum it feels like something is wrong. Same room is something we have always agreed upon. I could barely watch when he came in her mouth. Another 2 minutes and we probably would have missed the whole fucking show. It really made me sad and mad. He broke the rule. Miguel, who made up the rule. I wonder how he would have felt if it had been the other way around.

I have pondered if I had ever done this to him. Miguel freaked out once when I kissed a guy and I was 10 feet away. He wasn’t so subtle about how he felt. The fact that there was a curtain between us infuriated him. As if I fucked someone and he was not invited. I have been careful not to forget that. I didn’t think we would recover. I was scolded the whole way home. That was two years ago. Fast forward and this is now twice that I thought we were done with the same couple and they kept going after I left the room, almost as if on purpose. I feel sick just thinking about it.

I am a jealous person. I am just built that way. The fact that someone like me could entertain a swingers lifestyle is something of a small miracle. Miguel re-assures me all the time, and still my insecurities creep in every once in a while. This is something of a game changer for me. I have to reflect and wonder…is it just me? Did Miguel have a moment of weakness and forget? No, I don’t think so. He never drinks as much as me, he is the driver. He is always more sober and more in control of himself. If it had been me on the couch, we would never see that couple again. I just keep seeing it in my head. Maybe I should have said something right then. I looked at the guy and he just shrugged, as if to say “Oh well!” I wanted to cry. I put my coat on instead.

We went to Eyz Wide Shut last night and the other couple was there. I don’t know what everyone else is thinking, but I have no intention of hooking up with them again. Miguel and the girl are still going on as if nothing bad happened. Miguel just popped his head out and told me about something about what they experienced last night. I guess they are still texting each other. I have tried to express to him how this made me feel, if I really said what I am thinking it might end up in a fight. I don’t want to fight. I don’t think he realizes the blow my ego has taken. He has done this twice now. The first time it was probably me, now I see that I need to address this. I know some would say I should shrug it off. This is just sex, and we are swingers after all. I can’t just shrug it off. I need to pause and address this before I continue. I feel like my trust has been violated no matter if it was by accident or omission.

I am just ranting now, sorry. We are suppose to be this really secure couple and we don’t fight. Those that really know us, they know that’s not true. I pout and cast silent storms when I am upset. After years of blowing up and screaming I just get quiet now. It is better that I don’t scream and say things I will probably regret later. My tongue can be razor sharp. I think we are going to be a soft swap couple for a while. Probably, this is no big deal and we will recover to play another day. Hopefully, it will truly be same room only next time. About the worst thing a swinger couple could do to each other is break their own rules. I talk about it here because I don’t have very many outlets to talk about these kinds of problems. I just need to vent and tell the whole story. I need to really put this into perspective so I can start to get over it.

A Cautionary Tale

While we were at Eyz Wide Shut this weekend. We heard from a friend that a local swinger club got raided and the owners were arrested. There is such a thing as licensing for swinger clubs, and these people just didn’t have any. This is the kind of story that drives swingers underground. No one, not even very open-minded folks, wants to end up on the news leaving a swinger club. The reporters were not there for the raid, thankfully, and eyewitnesses said the cops just told the patrons that they had to leave.

You can read the full report here.

This is actually very bad news. I have been to this club numerous times and had no idea they didn’t have licensing. When we first started going to Eyz, there was a similar rumor about the club. Upon further investigation I learned that the rumor was a flat out lie spread by a local competing swinger spot. It was very viscous, the kind of thing that keeps people far away from swinger clubs. I assure you that Eyz Wide Shut has all their licensing and will not be raided for anything.

How can you know that the club you go to has proper licensing? One way is to ask the owners. Is there any licensing visible? A legit run club will have something visible saying they are authorized for business. Talk to the people who have been there. It is really a business or is it run out of someone’s home? We have been to a few “clubs” out of people’s homes and I realize now that we just got lucky. Any home could be a swinger club with advertising if these were actually legal. All I am saying is do your homework…

I hate all the seedy underground things that are associated with the swinger community. The thing that really stinks is that swinging is legal. What consenting adults do is their own business. I agree that this lifestyle is not for everyone, but those that choose the lifestyle should be able to go to a place and not worry about ending up on the news. The stigma that swinging carries would cause some people to loose their jobs, just for being sex positive and open. It is unfair, really. That is the world we live in.

Another thing that gives swingers a bad name is the way in which some people go about it. Take for example the couple we met a few weeks ago. Read the full story here. Basically, this guy thinks he can trick his girl into swinging. He didn’t bother to tell her he met us on a swinger site. He didn’t tell us she was in the dark, until we were already there to meet them. How sleazy is that? This couple was there on Friday night at Eyz. I greeted her because I think she is really sweet. Too bad her man is a douche-bag! He actually came up to us Friday night to tell us that they were going next door to the lodging…. (What was he thinking?)! We were like, “Okay, so what?” Miguel explained to him that because he did not give her full disclosure we didn’t like him. It is never going to happen. He is just a flaming idiot. Not only did he not read my blog about what I really thought about his seedy ways, he didn’t listen to a damn thing Miguel told him on the phone before heading out on Friday to the club. He had to tell us he was taking her out, and then thought….what? that we were going to just make their first experience. I am sure he though we would be a sure thing.

Please, don’t be that person….thinking swingers will accept you like that. This is a consensual lifestyle. It requires open communication and a lot of trust. This guy has already demonstrated that he cannot be trusted. I wouldn’t be naked in a room with him ever. This is the kind of guy that would pretend to put a condom on or try to go anal even after negotiating anal was off limits. If he would lie to her, the woman he “loves”, why would he be honest in any situation. Why would a guy trust this guy with his woman? That’s all I’m saying.

Monday Night Date

So much got fucked up this weekend I don’t really even want to think about it. Basically what happened was….well, I am a woman and sometimes I go a little psycho. Usually I find good outlets for my rage and craziness but Miguel took the brunt of it this weekend. So Saturday night, although we did have some fun, ended on a really bad note. Then Sunday was awkward. Just because I recognize that things are my fault doesn’t mean I can admit that right away. I am so glad I have Miguel. He hugged me at some point on Sunday after a vicious silent storm. He just gets me. I was able to forgive myself for crazy and then ask him to do the same.

By Monday morning we were completely back to normal, as far as I can tell. Yesterday Miguel text me and said I needed to figure out what to wear since we were going out. He assured me that this was a date with a newbie couple, with no plans for more than vanilla fun. We had a totally relaxed evening then we went out to The Castle in downtown Ybor City. We checked the website and they were opening up at 9pm on a Monday night. Who the hell goes out on a Monday? I guess we do now. Anyways, we got there after 9 and the club was still not open. The people there said they don’t open until 10:30. Who the hell is out that late on a Monday? We almost left right then, but I was kinda hungry so we walked around in search of a place to eat. While walking around we ran into the couple we were suppose to be meeting. So, we had a beer and chatted a bit. They were very nice and super sexy.. we then decided to stay out a little bit longer.

I would love to go on and on about this couple, but I won’t. They are new newbies and I feel disclosing thoughts or bits of our conversation will betray their trust. I really like this couple. I will tell you that Miguel and I enjoyed their company. They are fun and spontaneous. We are suppose to be meeting them again this week. I am looking forward to it. Since they are so new, it is like having vanilla friends again. I can focus on Miguel and just have fun. I know swinging is suppose to be like that. Sometimes it is not, though. More often than not, we meet a couple and there is bit of pressure to make the hook-up. I know sometimes it can drag out and the focus really should be on sex for a hook-up. I guess I have been missing vanilla dates. That is not to say that I would not consider this couple…I have considered it. I just think it was great that it didn’t have to happen last night.

Oh God, there is no one here to stop me when I go on and on like that sorry.

It was 80′s night at The Castle. I am definitely more of a 90′s girl but they kept the music really fun. There were alot of people there for a Monday night. We danced to The Cure and Devo and Culture Club and all kinds of other 80′s music…how embarrassing! The crowd was a mix of young and old freaks dancing to one-hit wonders and cult classics. It was fun, as hard to admit as that is. At least now I know there are places to go for fun on a Monday night.

We left around 12:30, I was still really hungry so I tore up some taco bell when we got home, (I <3 nacho bell grande when I have had a bit to drink!). Then we had some awesome sex. I have been needing to review a new cock ring so I poured some lube on my hand and manipulated Miguel’s cock till it was nice and hard. I stretched the cock ring out a bit and slid it onto him. It was too late at this point to maneuver it around his balls so he wore it just like that. I turned both the vibes on and he rolled me over so he could fuck me. Let me just say that the cock ring rocked, Miguel fucked me good with it buzzing away. I can’t wait to use it again. I did a full review on it today with the song Fascination Street by The Cure playing over and over in my memory. The four hours of sleep was a small price to pay for such a great night.

Until next time Lovelies, keep it sexy!