Archive for mind vomit

What’s Your Average?


I saw a post on Facebook that got me thinking. A couple was saying they had only been with four couples after two years in the lifestyle. It got me wondering how many we have been with. I don’t really keep track of how many, but it made me curious enough to try and figure it out.

Right away Miguel claimed that we average less than one a month. I counted 44 months in the lifestyle. We painstakingly tried to recall all the couples we have enjoyed since we got into the lifestyle. The conversation was pretty funny. I don’t remember everyone’s names. Miguel actually remembered most of their names. I remember stupid details like “that couple with all the movies” or “that couple with the guy with the big tattoo.” (Hey sport fuckers, just to be clear, it is not a competition!)

We only counted couples and not single people. (I doubt either of us could really remember all the singles, there are quite a few.) We counted full and soft swaps. I wonder if our average looks like other people’s average in the lifestyle. Miguel was actually right that our number averages out to one a month.

Our average is one a month. Is that really average? I know some couples must be getting a better average than that. I am actually really surprised the number was not much larger. I can remember months with one or two hook-ups a week. Then again there are months when we didn’t play with anyone but each other. How often do average swingers play?

But really, how many couples have you played with? I bet your number, or average, has a lot to do with how picky you are, the places or sites you use to meet people, and how sexually aggressive you are as a couple.

Same Room or Separate Swinging?


We went to the club last night and met a bunch of new couples. We participate in Swinger Speed Dating at the club whenever it is possible because it is a great chance to meet new people. There were a bunch of new couples at the club. (by new I mean new to me, not newbies) Rebecca Ammon hosts this event once a month. She always supplies a list of questions. The first question on the list last night was “Are you full swap, soft swap, seasoned or newbies?” We found a few newbies, but most of the couples were seasoned sluts experienced in the lifestyle. We found more than a handful that were not only full swap, they were full swap that played separately.

One of our “rules” is that we never play separately. Call me old fashioned but this for us is a hard limit. Most of the folks that have asked me personally to play separately were males that had problems performing with another man in the room. This is not what these couples told us drove them to play separately. The main reason these couples said play separately was that they found themselves distracted with their partner making noise next to them.


That is half the fun! Knowing Miguel is right there watching me, looking over at him. That is the biggest turn on. Seeing his face as he is enjoying himself. I am usually so caught up in what I am feeling during sex with him to enjoy this sight. I must confess that watching him enjoy himself has spurned many masturbation sessions for me and made it really easy to go from normal to completely turned on in order to test out various toys. (I have an awesome hobby) I just don’t think I could ever do this without him there. If my being turned on has ever driven Miguel to come sooner, well I think that is an even bigger turn on.

I have to admit that at first, in my early days of the lifestyle, I assumed that swinging separately was so sort of evolution of swinging. First comes voyeurism, then exhibitionism, then soft swap, then full swap, then playing separately. In that order. After meeting and talking to literally hundreds of swinger couples, I have found that this is not correct thinking. A lot of happy swingers find themselves very content at various levels and have no desire to move on to the “next” level. There is nothing wrong with this. People may assume that all swingers are like this, or that all swingers do that. The truth is that we are all similar in that we like sex, and then really anything goes from there. Miguel and I found this to be absolutely true right away. That is exactly why we have our hard limits and rules for swinging. Breaking any of our rules is not going to get us to the next level, it will get us fighting.

To be fair, I did notice that these couples did not start out swinging. The few couples we met that played separately had one thing in common…they all were an established couple for at least a few years (if not a decade+) before they decided to explore the lifestyle. We have never met a couple completely new to swinging that played separately. (other than a few that were actually in a poly relationship, but that doesn’t count) Does relationship length before swinging determine if a couple will end up playing separately? I guess Miguel and I dodged a bullet by getting into the lifestyle right away, while we are still relatively young and new to each other. This actually beings to my mind “key parties” of the 70′s that hosted to older couples. Ewwe! That is not for us.

Excuse me

Mind Vomit

I know I have been only posting sporadically lately. I feel very far away from my site at the moment.

I started my new job. The great news is that it doesn’t suck. It isn’t overwhelming. I am putting my learned skills to use and that feels really good. I find myself not watching the clock at work. I can’t really express here with words how fucking good it is to have a job that doesn’t insult my intelligence or my integrity. I feel really lucky. I know I may not feel this way next year, or next month even. In this economy getting this job was such a blessing. To think that just a few months ago I considered leaving my career due to lack of opportunities. I know that spell of hard times has made me really appreciating how things are going now. Strange to feel this way.

I got my other big wish two weeks ago and my babysitter moved out. The details are complicated. It needed to happen. I felt suffocated in my own home. I have a big empty room now. I also have no adult to leave home with my kids. I didn’t really think that would be a big deal. The older kids are legally old enough, but it makes me uncomfortable. Fucking hindsight is always 20/20! So we will be going out less. Really trying to make each night out count.

We did get out last Saturday night. We chatted with a couple we see there often. The man seemed a bit mad. I prodded, cuz that is what I do, and he shared that he was frustrated with going out and not hooking up. He expressed frustration about the distance, the cover charge, the cost of drinks. All of that, and not even a glimmer of hope that there would be a hook-up.

I bit my tongue.

The truth is that I have heard these same complaints from Miguel before. I agree that there is always a bit of pressure to make a hook-up happen when you go out. It just seems like a pointless expense without it, but… sometimes I just want to go out. I sometimes don’t want a hook-up. I am still milling this over. I could totally understand his frustration. I see both sides of this argument. But I have to admit that we didn’t hook-up with anyone at this party.

We met a lot of nice people. We even met a poly/TPE/swinger couple. So rare at a swinger club. We talked about how fetish and swinger don’t mix so well. They could if they had an understanding of the ground rules, but people are stupid. Each side has views on the other and generally, they just don’t mix well. It is ridiculous that swingers or fetish folk might be judgmental of anyone, but I have witnessed it. Once I really opened myself up to being sex positive, there is no going back. I am committed to keeping an open mind and hopefully we will be checking out some of the recommended venues coming up in the coming year. I don’t care what people think, this is my life and I don’t want to miss a thing.

So that is my mind vomit of the moment. The other thing really on my mind is the tragedy that happened last Friday. I don’t really want to talk about it, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I know a lot of people, like me, are still in shock. That something like that could even happen. I am heartbroken. I keep thinking about it. I guess it really hit home that this is the world we live in. I don’t really know what else to say about it that hasn’t been said already. I am trying to not waste today.


Cool Stuff


I am a bit shocked about not winning the $550 million dollar powerball last week. You too?! WTF? I saw that some guy on the East Coast might be holding the winning ticket. He checked it on is way to work at a convenience store. Why would you go to work after winning that much money? I don’t think I would. I would be so distracted about all the ways that I think having cooler stuff is gonna make me more happy… Then again, I am really just guessing. Who really knows what they would do if they suddenly had that much money? I am sure every powerball ticket holder had at least a loose plan and a bit of hope. I don’t think I will ever really know. It is fun to dream about it. I know money can’t really buy happiness. But…

Miguel bought us a new bed. We had our bed less than five years and it was already giving us back pain. The new bed is memory foam which makes for a weird sleep experience. I woke up a few times and rolled over to discover that my body impression was still in the bed. This is gonna take some getting used-to. I have heard these beds are good for sex, I guess I’ll let you know… We did go out to the club this weekend. It was a really fun night. This past weekend was another Swinger Speed Dating night with my friend Rebecca Ammon at the club. We met a few new couples and partied with some good friends.¬†We ended up only hooking up with each other but it was still a really great night.

I starting my new job. I hate and love changes. I am just hoping for a smooth transition. We had a great weekend with the kids. We took them to see the Santa parade and then to the city festival. I feel pretty content with the way things are going here. I feel like I am just running out of time. Like it is slipping away. I started Christmas shopping so that might be the source of my angst. The clock is ticking….

Speaking of changes, I was hoping to put a Christmas shopping guide together for those of you looking for sexy gifts. I try to stay out of the whole consumerism loop, cause I really don’t want to get all wrapped up in that muck. I do advertise though to try to make enough money to keep this blog from costing me and I have definitely felt the impact of something I have tried and failed to ignore. I like sex toys. I think they make a great gift because it shows you care. Last year I put a list together naughty toys. A year makes a big difference, almost none of those toys made my list. I am only gonna give you my list of absolute favorites. Keep in mind that I have over 100 toys in my collection, these are the toys I love and use the most often.

Clitoral Toys- I have a love for waterproof toys that travel well. The quieter the better.

Rabbits- Rabbits are great for dual stimulation. I have a few favorites.

Cock Rings- The right ring can prolong orgasm (for him) and add pleasure.

Wands- These are a great investment.

  • Hitachi (I haven’t reviewed this yet either, but it is a sex toy every girl should have)
  • Transcend Flexing Massager
  • Smart Wand (I have heard the large is better, I liked the medium enough to recommend it)

Dildos- Just the ones I love the most!

Other stuff that I use a lot.

If you decide to get something using one of the links in my reviews or one of the links on the right, I would be truly grateful. Happy Shopping!

Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving! I am reflecting a bit today, as I am sure some of you are too. I am pretty lucky, no work today for me. I don’t cook. I haven’t made turkey for my family for thirteen years. I was somehow able to make a whole thanksgiving spread that year, with the help of vodka. I don’t remember much from that dinner. We have skated by for years letting someone else do the cooking. This year no one came to my aid, dammit! We obtained a 13 lb frozen turkey. I got home late from work last night and went straight to work on our turkey. I don’t really know what I am doing. I found the neck and after about an hour of poking around I located the giblets. I stuffed the stupid turkey this morning with an onion, carrots, lemon, orange, and any spices I could find that seemed appropriate. Miguel got a pic of me working in the kitchen. I could kill him for posting it on facebook. A slew of people tried to tell exactly how make the turkey awesome. I took some notes, but cooking bores me and I lose interest. This year the turkey may not turn out right, at least I tried.

Miguel is cleaning/organizing room by room. It is a bit entertaining to watch him try to motivate the kids. I am still in my pajamas. No work today. This is my last week. Last night was my last night at my job. I was gonna try to work on Friday too, but after last night’s hell, I completely lost interest. I start my new job the first week of December. My Mom is among the less fortunate and will be working her retail job today. Be nice to those people if you do some shopping today. I have done my time working retail, I am counting my blessings that I don’t have to work this year. My big plans for the day involve trimming the tree with the kids and messing up some turkey. We might go out later, I don’t know what the plans are. Now that I don’t have that stupid job I hope to be blogging more about our adventures. I hope to be having some more adventures.

I am so deeply grateful for my life with Miguel and the health of my children.

My heart is full. I got everything I need right here.

Mind Vomit and More

Mind Vomit

I have a virus. I haven’t been this sick in a few years. It started with my youngest daughter and then the rest of the kids seem to be taking turns with the virus until it finally caught up to me. I have been really sick all week. I had a bunch of posts planned (in my head obviously, and not typed out). I know all about scheduling posts folks, I am just not that kind of gal. I will probably never be the planner who has a week’s worth of posts written up and ready to go. In my defense, this means you are not getting my old news either. This is my life….as it is happening.

Last weekend we went to a friends house for a bar-b-que and some vanilla fun. A very nice (and sexy) soft swap couple invited us over. They were very nice hosts until…well, until the alcohol x spades brought out our aggressive personalities. The male portion of this couple and me + alcohol do not mix well.

I have some new affiliations/sponsors for my site. I have been offered products lately and actually had to turn them down. I just don’t have the time, energy, or desire to review shit I am not really excited about anymore. My collection has grown out of hand and I can afford to be picky at this juncture. I got some BDSM items for review coming up. I am really excited to write up about the items.

In the meantime, I would like to mention that I have been trying hard to keep my contests and sex toy sales pages updated. Please check out the links and use the codes. The holidays are coming people, try to win a little something for yourself. I am excited to offer you another chance to win the best harness I have ever played with..the RodeoH. I got a chance to review both the brief style and the boxer style rodeoH and I loved them both. This harness is easy to use and fun too. Click here to enter, ends 12/17. I will be hosting some new giveaways here real soon.