Archive for advice

| August 21, 2012
4 comments

Unicorn Concerns

Swinger Q & A

Hey Karen,

I have an “anonymous” question I”m hoping you can help me with.
I’m single and keep wanting to go to the local on-site club. I’ve only been there a couple of times and it was with a partner. When we were there I only met one woman who was there by herself and she was a regular who recently became single.

What do you guys think about me going by myself? I don’t know anybody to go with and I really need…uh…need to get out. ;)

I think physical safety I would feel okay about because it’s “on site”, and I have no issues leaving doors open. Just wondering if you know any women who have gone to clubs by themselves. Any concerns or tips?

Thank You!

Karen Says:

I know a few single girls but they usually come to the club with ‘friends’. Do you have a profile on a swinger site? If the on-site club has a website, look to see if they have any “swinger site” affiliations. You could set up a profile and see if maybe you could talk to some folks before you go…make some friends ahead of time. If I were single, that is what I would do. SwingLifeStyle is a good site and they list parties at clubs that would be local to you. They usually have a guest list which allows you to see people who have signed up to go to local parties. SLS is free to join and it might be safe way to see who might be there. Maybe even a way to “meet” people before you go.

I would think this would be the safest way. Meeting people online is fun but I would caution against putting too many pics online for people. I have found lots of folks on sites that just like to collect pictures. Be honest on your profile and state that you are looking to meet some new friends. Don’t feel pressured to hang out with only one couple at the club once you are there. Once people know you are there alone your “unicorn status”1 will make you very popular.

Miguel Says:

Sign on to as many adult dating sites you can find to make it easier to find someone to go to the clubs/club with you. Most good clubs have good rules and even security. You will be the proverbial “unicorn,” you will be very popular. You may even find another unicorn to go with. Have fun and leave anxiety at the door.

 

  1. A Unicorn is a single female in the swinger lifestyle, so rare she is almost a myth. ↩

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| July 31, 2012
8 comments

Breaking the Ice in the Lifestyle

swingers

Meeting new couples in the lifestyle can be a challenge. Most new couples find it hard to actually “hook-up” with others as they try to break into the swinger lifestyle. Most couples may try by placing an profile on a swinger site. I have written previously about the unwritten rules of creating a profile on swinger sites before and offered some suggestions. We have profiles on a lot of sites, (Kasidie, SwingLifeStyle, Swinger Date Club, and Adult Friend Finder just to name a few). Having your profile on more than one site should increase your odds but even having the best profile does not guarantee you success. You may still end up meeting picture collectors, and playing e-mail/text ping-pong with people who are not afraid of wasting your time.

I remember going to a club for the first time and feeling like breaking the ice was just too difficult. How do I find a reason to talk to someone I might want to hook-up with? Miguel and I are both pretty social and we have become pretty bold. At first we were wall flowers and didn’t talk to anyone. Why even go out? I wanted to play with people but didn’t know how to approach people. One of the best ways to meet new people is just to walk up to them and say hello. This approach won’t really work if everyone is already talking to another couple. There are cliques in some clubs and most regulars have friends they socialize with. Breaking into a conversation is just rude and we don’t do that. The more you go to a place the more you begin to recognize people. Once you have established that you want to play and your partner is in, how do you proceed? After a few nights out at any club, you can see who comes a lot. I am not suggesting you wait that long. So what do you do when you see a couple you want to hook-up with, just walk up and say hello? What if you or your partner is too shy for that? What if you are at a new club?

Most swinger clubs want people to have a great night. They want you to find what you are looking for, and hopefully make a friend. They know that you will probably come back if you do. Most swinger clubs have all kinds of games at their disposal, these could be great for a home party as well. We have played some ridiculous games and some really funny games. We struggled with shyness until we decided to start playing the games at clubs. Having been in the lifestyle for a few years now, I have noticed how much more social people can be after a few games. Playing games when you are new is almost always a good idea. Games are suppose to get people out of their shell and talking to each other. Some are better at that than others. One of my favorite “games” is the Speed Dating game. The idea is pretty simple. You go out and spend a few minutes talking to each couple until everyone has met each other. Most swingers are friendly social people, so this is genius. Imagine if you could meet a bunch of new people at a club! Participating in games increases the meeting new people which increases chances for success at swinging. If you get a chance at a club to play a game, I say go for it! You are likely to meet new people and maybe even win a prize for your night out.

Some tips for meeting new people:

  • Keep communication open with other couples by NOT sitting in the corner anymore. Move to a more approachable area.You are out to meet people, not just converse with your s/o!
  • Be yourself and keep it simple. Look for something complimentary to say if nothing else comes to you…this works almost anywhere, btw.
  • Talk about your experience, don’t be afraid to say if you don’t have any. “We have never been here before, is it usually this crowded/dark/loud/quiet?” is a great way to meet new people.
  • I am surprised at how often simply asking “Is this your first time here?” opens up the door for Miguel and I to talk to new people. Even if the answer is no, there is usually a story to go with it.
  • Be nice! Don’t talk about other people in a negative way. Swinger are a small community and you want to make a good impression.

After a few hook-ups breaking the ice will be easier, even the quietest couple can make new friends if they try. Don’t be afraid to talk to people, you have at least one common interest after all, right?

♥ Good news for people close to Tampa, FL…Rebecca Ammon is hosting a speed dating event at Eyz Wide Shut on September 1st. I hope to meet you there! ♥

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| June 24, 2012
24 comments

On Rejection

rejected-stamp

One of the most awkward things in the lifestyle is rejection. Most swingers are friendly happy people. How do you say “no” to people you want to remain friends with? Not every couple is equally sexy. I am sure a lot of people could say that about Miguel and I. I have a whole list of reasons for rejecting someone. Just because I swing doesn’t mean I don’t have standards. On the flip side, I know I am not going to be attractive to everyone. We have been rejected plenty. There is a correct way to handle rejection. It is hard not to take it personally, but really, rejection is inevitable. We are a small group, eventually you will probably run into that couple again. Burning bridges is not something a seasoned couple does in this lifestyle. I am always shocked when I hear about people becoming rude when they get rejected. We have been cursed at and blocked, even threatened in a few rare occasions, all just for rejecting someone? Miguel has come up with the perfect phase that handles the awkwardness of a rejection.

“One of us isn’t interested in one of you.”

This releases blaming. We have been pretty fortunate that most couples are good at reading body language. Occasionally we have to walk away from people that are pursuing us. Just because we are at the club doesn’t mean we “have” to hook-up with anyone. I had a conversation with Rebecca and we talked about how we handle rejecting a couple that we don’t want to play with. She had a fun rule to pull out when she didn’t want a re-match with a couple,

“We only hook-up with a couple once.”

Sounds reasonable. Anything more than once would feel like dating. I know a few couples that really only ever hook-up with each other. To me that just seems weird and could invite too much jealousy. We have had a few re-matches with couples and it worked out most of the time. I definitely don’t want to date another couple though. Of course when you swing like that eventually one of you “takes one for the team.” We always said we wouldn’t be like that. We really try not to. Swing long enough and it happens. Another swinger friend I spoke with said she and her man removed themselves completely for a while after too many times of “taking one for the team.” It happens. A relationship is work and a swinger couple has to be even more diligent due to extra sexual factors.

We used to be more personal. It is so easy to reject someone at a swinger club. At a club if you don’t want to play with someone, just exit the conversation. I may see too many things at a club as rejection, but I don’t ever want to be that person that can’t take a hint. On the other hand, I have a short attention span. Then I get distracted and it seems that I have rejected someone, when that is hardly ever the case. We go to the club so often that I forget we are there to try to meet people and hook-up. I miss the ease of meeting a couple for drinks and then going from there. Of course, then we might be back to “taking one for the team”. Plus that requires so much work for Miguel. It is “work” he will enjoy I am sure. Things might move slower like this, but I think we are missing out by trying to “compete” at the club.

What amazes me in the lifestyle is when I think about when we have been rejected or taken one for the team. Even after all the b.s. that we might deal with, it is still the exception and not the rule.

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| April 17, 2012
One comment

Swinger Sites

If you are looking to meet local couple’s to play with, a swinger website is a good place to start. There are a few unspoken rules. I haven’t met a couple in the lifestyle yet that wasn’t outraged at a profile full of tricks. Miguel and I have a few horror stories trying to meet people online. I would think most of this is common sense. Let me list the major offenses.

  • Not posting recent picture. When I say recent, let me be specific: your current age and weigh showing. Don’t try to sell anyone online on what you and your partner looked like 4 years and 2 kids ago. That is just being dishonest.
  • Saying you are “athletic” when you are clearly not. Don’t be ashamed to say “a little extra padding” if that actually describes you. Athletic means height and weight proportionate, not a person whose BMI is over 30!
  • Having unreasonable expectations about privacy. Don’t expect people to approach you when all you have is the picture of an ass or tits for your profile. Exchanging pictures is part of the process, expect to have to show your face in them. Do be wary of picture collectors and people that don’t reciprocate right away. Most swingers we have met respect the need for discretion, but we will never go meet anyone without seeing their face.
  • Not updating your profile, ever. Please tell me about what you are looking for.
  • Not reading other people’s profiles before trying to make contact. If we say “up to age 50″ then respect our limits, no I don’t really care if one of you was in our age range. If a profile says “no single males” and that is what you are, move on. You are more likely to have a chance with someone that is already open to you.
  • Having unreasonable expectations about a hook-up. Have a fantasy, but don’t expect strangers to play it out exactly as you fantasize. No hook-up goes exactly as planned. Having unrealistic expectations means you are sure to be disappointed. Case and point: I talked to a girl on twitter not too long ago that went to another state to act out a fantasy gang-bang. The girl’s female friend got sick, some of the guys couldn’t perform and her man got jealous. Think she will want to re-create this night anytime soon? Probably not.
  • Bringing “drama” to a hook-up. Swinging will not save your relationship. Fighting is bad etiquette, please don’t do it. Please work out your limits with your partner before heading out. Being in the lifestyle a while I know couple’s that show up and fight at almost every event. I go out to have fun, not to choose sides.
  • Thinking a “wave” or a “smile” means we want to hook-up. It doesn’t. I am trying to be friendly, don’t read anything but the obvious here.
  • Not being honest about your partner. I don’t ever want to be in this situation again. We met a guy just recently that wanted us to pretend we just met him at the club, then talk his chic into swinging. This guy isn’t honest with his own girlfriend, do you think I would trust him. Nope, not as far as I could throw him. This is the kind of douche bag that would “say” he put a condom on, but not really do it. His trustworthiness was already displayed by how he treat his partner. We were tricked into even meeting this guy. Now we always talk to the female by phone before we head out.

There are some sites that are better than others. Some sites say they have lots of swingers, but they you find out they are all in another state.

We really like SwingLifeStyle because it shows us local events and gives lots of options for “free” members.
Swingers

Kasidie is alot of fun, especially if you travel alot. They have lots of vacations for swingers.

Kasidie.com... Plays Well With Others.

AdultFriendFinder is probably the most popular. Be specific on what you are looking for on this site though, since it is open to any kind of hook-up. We have met a few fun couples on this site.

Click here for more.

That is all I got for now. Happy Shopping!

 

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| December 24, 2011
2 comments

Question About Sex Club Etiquette

Swinger Q & A

Hi Karen,

I came across your blog while researching Eyz Wide Shut. Since you are experienced in the lifestyle and frequent that club, I thought I’d ask your advice.

My wife and I are newbies to sex clubs and the swinging lifestyle, and are not particularly interested in having sex with others. But we are very much interested in watching other couples have sex, and very much interested in playing with each other while we watch those other couples.

I read in one of your posts that couples who do swing get particularly irritated when they invest time and energy in getting to know another couple only to find out in the end that other couple doesn’t want to swing. We certainly don’t want make that mistake and upset anyone.

I was wondering if you could advise us as to what the proper etiquette is when going into certain areas of Eyz Wide Shut? Are there rooms, for example, that if we enter we are expected to strip completely down and join in? Conversely, is there anywhere in the club we could go to play with each other without fully stripping and just watch others around us?

Thanks in advance for your advice.

Karen Says:

Do not feel intimated to go and check out the club. If you two just want to watch, there is no problem with that. There are no mandatory naked rooms at Eyz Wide Shut. This club is all about consensual sex, not forced. There are at least two rooms where you and your wife can go and watch, if there are others in the room, and there is never forced participation. If you two want to be watched you can play in the big rooms or they have private rooms that have curtains. You can close the door and leave the curtain open so others can watch, or close it for privacy.

I am sorry if I made it sound as if investing time getting to know a couple without a full swing would be a bad thing. It should all be about fun and what you are comfortable with. There are couples in the lifestyle that never fully swap, and that is fine. They are a “soft swap” couple, they like to watch, and be watched but not exchange partners. I have met some very happy couples and “parallel played” with them. When it comes down to it, it is all about what makes you two comfortable.

If you mention me (Karen Blue) at the door I would very much appreciate it. It won’t get you a discount or anything (or me for that matter), but it will show that my writing about the club helps, and that is always a good thing. Alot of people have views about how a sex club will be. I am happy to dispel any false rumors or expectations. It is a just a regular club, where some swingers like to go. The lodging there is as open or closed as you want. All the doors lock and only the people that work there can open them. If you get in a room and decide to play with someone, you have to let them in. No one can come in uninvited. Single men are not allowed in the big rooms with multiple couples unless they are escorted by a couple. Alternately, you can go and watch couples if they have their curtains open, without ever having to even be in the same room. It is like live porn.  I hope you decide to check out the club for yourself, and if you have anyone making you feel uncomfortable, please tell management. Pushy people are not very welcome there. I have never had problems there, and I obviously love the place.

Miguel Says:

Eyz Wide Shut has several rooms that are perfect for voyeurs. The biggest one is called “Lover’s Lane.” There is a video tour of this room as well as the rest of the club on the Eyz Wide Shut website. You can also get a tour from the staff if you get there before 11 pm. Some couples loved to be watched but make sure they don’t get any interruptions by just getting a private room and leaving the room’s curtain open. Some close the curtains and turn the lights brighter so you can see them through the curtain material.

If you see a couple you would like to watch in action just approach them and strike up a conversation. Just remember you are there to have fun…it’s a miss or hit situation. Even if you don’t get to see what you want, you are still going to get the best sex ever…the sex between your lover and you!

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| November 26, 2011
2 comments

Assholes and Anal Sex

Miguel put out an ad for something to do on Thursday. After weeding out all the undesirables and fakes he found a cute couple to meet at a local club for Friday night. The club we went to meet them at is literally right down the street. It is a local vanilla club. I didn’t even know they had clubs downtown St.Pete but there was one right across the street as well. We don’t go out to vanilla clubs normally. Being a swinger, I have a different mindset. I see a bunch of single females and think about unicorns. I see a sexy couple and wonder what their bedroom play is like. Do-able, what a sexy crowd, I wish swinger clubs had options like this every night! I am over friendly in a vanilla crowd. Miguel and I are too touchy-feely and it makes others uncomfortable. Yes, I am telling him about how much I want his cock when I whisper in his ear. Yes, he did just slide his hand up my dress to slide a finger in. This kind of behavior could get us into trouble in a vanilla setting. Once in a while we meet newbies and we venture back to vanilla settings. Last night was a rare occasion for us.

The club was suppose to open at 8, so we got there a bit after 9. I was wearing a little black dress and my fishnet thigh highs….and nothing else. I hate panty lines, Lovelies. I was almost under-dressed for the weather since it was so windy last night, but I figured we would be inside most of the night. I brought my MiMi just for the short ride home. I swear I never leave the house without this thing, thank God too because it really came in handy. We parked really close and found the club was not even open yet. The doors were open but they weren’t letting anyone in yet. It was pretty fucking lame when they asked us to form a line…the two of us ….while they got the place set up. We stood out there in the windy air for about 15 minutes. It was well after 9, we almost got in a fight about it. Then we finally agreed on waiting in the car till it opened. We probably should have just went home, but hindsight is always 20/20.

In the car I decided to use my time playing with Miguel. I made him pull his cock out so I could suck it. There we were right on the street and I am giving him a blow job as people walk past us. After a few minutes, I was ready for MiMi and gave myself an awesome orgasm rubbing it on my clit. We decided to go and see if the club was open yet after that, and it was. We were like the first people there, but they had a great drink deal so I was optimistic that it would pick up shortly. The club had a really great layout and two floors of entertainment. The DJ flat out sucked though. The couple we were suppose to be meeting text Miguel they would be there shortly, or and by the way…..”She is really shy, make it look like we just met.”

What!?!

~Sigh~ Guys, please don’t do this! You are not going to “trick” your chick into swinging! She is smarter than that, hopefully. We had already paid to get in the club and so we were kinda stuck meeting this couple. I was a little more than irritated. Just on principle I would not fuck this asshole. His chick was kinda hot. I did meet her, and no, I didn’t spoil his trick. She confessed to me during the conversation that he “surprised” her by taking her to Eyz Wide Shut Halloween weekend. She was not into it. He was like an overeager kid, trying to egg-on the conversation and the sexy dancing. No wonder she wasn’t down!

After many rum and cokes Miguel and I slid out of the club. I was pretty lit, but not too drunk to fuck. As soon as we got in the car I pulled Miguel’s cock out and sucked it back to life. I alternated deep throating his cock, sucking hard on his cock head and stroking it while I fingered myself. The trip home took no time at all. As soon as we got inside we both stripped off our clothes. Miguel said he wanted to fuck my ass so he pulled out a few toys and got it ready for his cock. He got it nice and stretched out then lubed up his cock….and them impaled my ass with his cock. He fucked it hard and deep. I was laying flat on my stomach and he fucked my ass good. I came so hard with his cock fucking my ass. I am getting wet just thinking about it now. What a hot fuck! That was better than anything that couple could have delivered.

Tonight is the anniversary party at Eyz Wide Shut. I am so excited since we will be staying over in their deluxe lodging tonight. All the regulars there were invited to stay over. The after party is going to get steamy, I just know it! Also, it is a sexy swinger friends birthday tonight. Which reminds me, I have to get a gift. Yes, It will probably be a sex toy. What else would you expect me to give her?

Until next time Lovelies, keep it sexy!

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