Today we are talking about what we are most afraid of.
I don’t scare easily. I have had to face, and ultimately conquer, so many of my fears that being afraid of something for me now means it is something I need to conquer. I used to be afraid of heights, but now I know I am just afraid of dying by falling. A lot of people have that fear, and I didn’t let it stop my from rappelling down four stories or climbing the tower in basic training. Bugs are really no big deal to me either. I am not afraid of snakes (i used to have one as a pet). I just don’t have many fears.
I feel like a lot of us are scared for our children. This fear, while it does make me want to lock them in the house and never let the world get a hold on them, doesn’t keep me up at night like it used to. The fear that keeps me up at night is losing my Miguel.
Everything has changed for me since he came into my life. I am happy, really happy, with him. I love our life together. Every time he goes on a trip, or is ten minutes late coming home, I become convinced he is going to die. I am convinced that I never deserved to be this happy, so one day it will be taken from me. My Miguel is one of the best things that ever happened to be. He choose me to be with ME (my kids don’t really have a choice, lol). I still get butterflies when I see him and I sometimes still get tongue tied when trying to talk to him. To me it still feels so fresh to call him my man.
I know this is an irrational fear, but if you could meet some of my exs you would understand why I never ever want to be “out there” again. Being single again terrifies me. I can’t imagine trying to “date” at this stage of my life. I got the (FOUR) kids and I am pretty used to someone taking care of me. Not only am I sure no one would ever want me, but I would never be able to replace what we have. It is everything I could have wished for.
Losing my Miguel is the thing that I am most afraid of.
What are you most afraid of?
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