From Urban Dictionary:
- Soft Swap- To share spouses/mates with another to the point of digital and/or oral copulation only
- Full Swap- sex with another couple where both couples swap partners, such as the guy from one couple with the girl from the other couple and vice-versa. This is often done in the same room but applies also when separate rooms are involved.
Miguel and I have decided to take a small step back and consider only soft swaps at this time. The toll of moving and other life stressors have strained our once wonderful relationship. We have spent too many days lately with very separate agendas. I know neither of us is ready to call it quits on this love. The solution, which has been very good for us, is to take other people out of the sexual equation. This small shift has narrowed our focus and greatly improved our communication.
Maybe this sounds obvious to an outsider. It was not completely obvious to us. Miguel and I have been swingers since about a month into our relationship. We have always done this, so it was really hard to make this decision. I know we don’t want to remove “the lifestyle” from our lives. We have made some good friends in the lifestyle and neither of us is willing to go back to only vanilla settings. How awkward only going out to regular bars would be after all the swinging we have done. Although we do occasionally hit a local pub to play some billiards, it would be somewhat less exciting if that is all we did anymore. Almost all of our good friends are swingers. I am a big advocate for this lifestyle. The lifestyle for us has made almost all of our sexual fantasies reality! We have grown as a couple and explored things together. I know that I trust Miguel more than I have ever trusted before. I have overcome fears and shyness that have plagued me my whole life. The swinger lifestyle is fun and exciting, every weekend we can explore something new. For us, it has been great sexy fun. It is something we always look forward to. Our sex life has never been boring.
I think our experiences lately have been a bit less than exciting for at least one of us. We tend to focus almost entirely on what the other couple is comfortable with, so we are not getting as much out of what we give. Since sometimes we don’t have sex at home as much as we would like, (due to kids, work, whatever), our weekends out have become our main event. If our weekend involves a full swap, we might lose our weekly chance to be together. I know for a fact we are not alone in this. I have heard similar complaints among swinger friends. This along with all the extra stress, has been putting a strain on our relationship. The solution, for us, is to be soft swap only. This way I can focus on him and not feel slighted by a less than glamorous hook-up.
Communication is such an important thing for any couple. Swinger couples have to be extra careful and keep those lines open. I don’t want to ever be that couple that hook-ups without my partner being a part of it. I know couples in the lifestyle that unless someone told you, you would never know that they are together. They don’t have any physical contact with each other. To an observer, it looks like this is their escape from sex with their partner. That is fine for them, but I don’t ever want to be in that relationship. The best part of swinging for me, is watching Miguel in action. Looking over and seeing him watching me. We always talk about it after, and it enhances our sex at home. I think I am really lucky that Miguel and I can be so honest with each other. First to try swinging as a couple, then to remove ourselves from it a bit to focus back on each other again.