The Ultimate Guide to Orgasm for Women is a complete look at how, where, and what makes a woman orgasm. It is written by Mikaya Heart with a forward by Violet Blue. It is divided into 11 easy to read subjected chapters and includes the un-editied words from real women about. The book is honest and lays everything out, good and bad. I found myself in more than a few places and I am delighted to find I am not alone.
The premise for this book is that orgasms can be elusive for some women, and easy for others. Each woman seems to have her own definition of orgasm and what actually triggers it for her. Not every woman can orgasm through penetration alone. Mikaya Heart is a lesbian. She gives both the hetero and homosexual points of view and she does it by letting the woman speak for themselves. She interviews 26 woman and 3 men for this book and she includes quotes directly from her online survey and from some of her friends. The book doesn’t give detailed instructions about how-to achieving an orgasm, she does include a handy reference guide in her book though. Her book highlights the “types” or “varieties” of orgasm by woman and it does so in an easy to read format.
A run down of the chapters and content:
- Sexual Play: A New Vocabulary, The Best Medicine, Embracing Our Complexity and Diversity
- What Works, What Doesn’t and Why: An Anatomy Review, An Oral Review, A Different Kind of Blowjob, Penetration, How to Ask, Masturbation, Vibrators, Variety of Pleasures, One is Not Always Enough, Emotional Erogenous Zones, Tuning In
- The Physical Experience of Orgasm: The Myth of Definitive Orgasm, Beyond Viginal and Clitoral, Combining Orgasms, Surface Verses Depth, Pusing and Contractions, Pregnancy and Orgasm, A Vocabulary for Orgasms, Multiple Orgasm.
- The Energetic Experience of Orgasm: The Non-Physical Components of orgasm, Chemistry: A Psychic Connection, Emotional Orgasms, The Intellectual Component: Focusuing the Mind, Aftershocks, Simultaneos and Empathic Orgasms, Energy Movement within the Body, Alignment, Visuals, The Power of Fantasy, Sound, Extended Orgasm
- The Spiritual Experience of Orgasm: The Feminine, Intuition and Feelings, Separation Oneness and Passion, Tantra, Kundalini, The Breath, Meditation, Love sex and Sanity
- The Elusive Orgasm: Variations in Desire, Hysterectomies Medications and Aging, Disappearing Orgasms, Recognizing and Orgasm, Anorgasmic Women, Cultural Conditioning, Learning to Come, Great Expectations, The Need to Please, Faking Orgasm, Do men Know When We’re Faking It?
- Early Sexual Experiences: A Child’s View of Sex, Growing Up Without Information, Embracing Our Passion, Negative Messages, Why Some of Us Love Our Sexual Selves and Some of Us Don’t, When Sex is Sex and When It’s Not, Sexual Abuse of Children, Recovery
- Relationships: Bodies, Take Your Time, Partners, Withholding Feelings, A Great Love Doesn’t Always guarantee Great Sex, Communication, The Power of No, The Power of Yes, Getting Turned On, Dealing with Difficult feelings, How to Recognize a Feeling When it Hits You In the Face, Getting Down to Business, Take a Risk, but Don’t Take it Seriously, Asserting Ourselves, Claiming Our Passion, it Hurts So Good, Fear Verses Passion
- Penetration and the G-Spot: Lubrication, The PC Muscle, Penetration is Not Essential, But Some of Us Really Love It!, Virginity, Enjoying Penetration, The Astounding Vagina, Taking it Slowly, The G-Spot, Location Location Location, Toys, To Use a Dildo….or Not Use a Dildo, Ode to the Dildo, Other Orifices
- Ejactulation, Fisting and Anal Sex: The G-Spot and Ejaculation, What Is It and Where Does it Come From?, Who? When? How Much?, The Relationship of Orgasm to Ejaculation, The Power of Ejaculation, Vaginal Fisting, The How-Tos of Vaginal Fisting, Vaginal Fisting and Orgasms, Anal Sex
- The Purpose of Orgasm: From Pleasure to Pain and Beyond…., Responsible Sex, Responsible Living, Working with Energy, Empowerment
The book also has an Appendix about Safer Sex and an extensive Appendix of Resources divided into sections including: Sex Education and Information, Videos Toys Books and Supplies, Sex Related Websites, LGBT Resources, Sexuality Workshops, and Recommended Reading. Also included is the original 41 question questionnaire that she used for research.
I enjoyed this book. The writing stayed on subject for 90% of the book. She almost lost me there in a few places when she started talking about spirituality and meditation. I am so glad I hung-in-there for the “good” stuff though. What this is, is one of the most extensive, honest resources about orgasm to date. She goes through almost every single aspect of what works and what doesn’t for some women. She lets the survey responses speak for themselves, and what we get is an honest look at a woman trying to describe her own orgasm and what triggers it. I was very impressed with the layout and the research that went into putting this book together. There are also some illustrations included.
I learned a few new things by reading this book. I found the lesbian point-of-view refreshing for the most part and I didn’t feel the author merely represented that side of the story. I also have to admit I had to skip the parts about sexuality in childhood. I am a big fan of Nancy Friday and have already dealt with alot of my childhood scars, I have no interest in re-hashing all those feelings. It is good that she touched on it since the amount of women who get through childhood sexually unscathed is small. This is not set up at all like a Nancy Friday book, full of fantasies and small blubs about psychological aspects. Mikaya shares her opinion and her research without casting judgement or putting titles on anything. I enjoyed this book wholeheartedly, and I think it will help alot of women. In this book you will find new ideas about orgasm and why you may not be so different in your ways at all.