This is a really hard post for me to write. I had to really dig deep to find someone I have an issue with. I mean of course, I hate those people that cut in line in traffic, and people who work customer service who obviously don’t like people. I have a big beef with people I work with that can’t smile. I mean, how hard is it to smile once in a while when you say hello? For the most part, I just don’t have any people in my life that I don’t enjoy seeing. Cutting it down to just Miguel and my kids made this fairly easy for me, actually. But then this got me thinking, why I am not so eager to go out and make friends? It reminded me of the last real friend I had.
I am almost afraid to share this post. Honestly, what will you think of me? What if I admit the last real friend I had just stopped talking to me. Then I read this post on Chasing Faerytales about the insecurities of bloggers, and it encouraged me to be brave.
I don’t know what happened to us. I don’t have many friends, I know part of it is me, but most of it is this stage of my life that doesn’t allow time to spend with friends, and gives me almost no time to make new friends. I cherished our friendship. I shared things with you that I didn’t tell people. I was there to help you when you needed it. I helped you when you I could, and even when it wasn’t most convenient, I tried to be there for you. I thought I supported you in everything. You went back to school and disappeared on me. I know life got hectic for you, so I waited patiently for you to make time for me in your life. I waited more than two years. I texted you a lot, just to let you know I missed you. I texted that I knew you were busy, but I hoped to see you soon. The last time I saw you was your graduation.
I don’t remember a falling out. I just know that all of a sudden you had a new “bestie” in all your pictures on Facebook. It made me think it was probably more me, than anything else in your life. Seeing that just broke my heart and I stopped trying to reach out. I guess it didn’t matter anyways, you never tried to contact me again, either.
I know I am not perfect. We have known each other for years, long enough that you could have said that something I did bothered you. I would have taken it constructively. I don’t know what happened to our friendship. I only know you moved on, and I didn’t.
I miss you, and the friendship we had.
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